Last post on the fundamentals of listening

5. Summarizing – Summarizing is the skill of being able to concisely recap what the speaker said over a longer period of time. The exact words aren’t as important as capturing the key ideas, feelings, or action items that were shared. It can help to take notes, summarize periodically throughout the conversation, and to follow the order and sequence of information shared by the speaker.

Don’t act like a parrot and repeat the exact words shared or add your own conclusions to the summary.


These five fundamentals may seem like no-brainers, but the truth is that most leaders don’t do them very well, or even at all.
 Just like a professional athlete continuously practices the fundamentals of his/her sport, leaders should continually practice these fundamentals of listening.

More on Listening

3. Reflecting Feelings – Reflecting feelings is the skill of capturing the speaker’s feelings and restating them in nonjudgmental terms. It demonstrates to the speaker that you are aware of the emotion behind the content of what is being shared.
Using phrases such as “It sounds like you’re really _______” (frustrated, angry, sad, etc.) or “I can sense your _______ (apprehension, anxiety, pride, etc.)” indicates you are empathizing with the speaker which allows him/her to trust you more and share more information.


4. Paraphrasing – Paraphrasing demonstrates that you heard and understand what was being shared. The basics of paraphrasing include restating key words or phrases, following the speaker’s sequence, listening to understand, and showing empathy.

You don’t want to robotically repeat what the speaker said verbatim, twist the speaker’s words, or prejudge the situation.

The Five Fundamentals of Listening

The Five Fundamentals of Effective Listening

1. Attending to Nonverbal Behaviors – Your nonverbal behaviors tell the speaker you are either interested and comprehending what is being said or you are disinterested and would rather be somewhere else. Are you smiling and nodding in understanding or are you yawning, scowling, or staring the person down?

Is your body position leaning in to the conversation to show you are engaged or are you leaning back with your arms folded indicating you’re feeling defensive?

 Your body language should communicate “Go ahead, I care, I’m listening.”

2. Asking Questions – The best leaders ask questions – lots of them.
 But not all questions are created equal and different types of questions serve different purposes. Open-ended questions encourage the speaker to share more information and go deeper in the conversation. Clarifying questions help you understand the full context of what is being shared whereas prompting questions encourage the speaker to reflect deeper on their own thoughts.

 Close-ended questions allow you to limit the conversation or find out specific information and leading questions allow you to bring the conversation to a close.

Listening

Think of the best boss you’ve ever had. What was it about that person that made him or her your best boss? Did you trust them? Probably. Did they care about you? Very likely. Was he or she a great listener? Almost certainly.

Listening is one of the most underrated and unappreciated leadership skills. Many leaders don’t put any intentional effort into how they listen to their people. They just assume “it happens.” I mean, come on, right? You have ears…the other person talks…you listen…then reply with what you want to say because usually that’s more important than what the other person has to say anyway, right? Wrong.

Being an effective listener is one of the quickest ways to build trust with your people. People trust leaders who take the time to hear their ideas and empathize with their concerns. It’s also one of the best opportunities to learn what’s going on in your business and influence the activities of your team members. You can’t know what’s happening on the front lines unless you ask questions and listen to the responses.

Becoming a good listener doesn’t happen by accident. It takes time and effort to listen effectively, and in order to become a great listener, you have to practice the five fundamentals of listening.

Check in tomorrow and the next few days for the Five fundamentals..

To Lead

Healthy Leadership Qualities

1. The True Measure of Leadership is Influence-Nothing More, Nothing Less
2. Leadership Develops Daily, Not in a Day
3. Anyone Can Steer the Ship, But It Takes a Leader to Chart the Course
4. When the Real Leader Speaks, People Listen
5. Trust is the Foundation of Leadership
6. People Naturally Follow Leaders Stronger Than Themselves
7. Leaders evaluate everything with a leadership Bias
8. Who you are Is Who You Attract
9. Leaders Touch a Heart Before They Ask for a Hand
10. A leader's Potential Is Determined by Those Closest to Him
11. Only Secure Leaders Give Power to Others
12. It takes a leader to Raise Up a Leader
13. People buy Into the Leader, Then the Vision
14. Leaders Find a Way for the Team to Win
15. Momentum is a leader's best friend
16. Leaders understand that Activity is not Necessarily Accomplishment
17. A Leader Must Give Up to Go Up
18. When to lead is as Important As What to Do and Where to Go

Why do Haters Hate?

There will always be people in your life, both personal and business, that live to hate.

Why?

I am sure that if you ever have the ability to sit and actually talk to them , and they are honest with themselves you will probably find that they were either hurt by someone in the past or are just plain unhappy with their life or situation.

I go back to " Hurt People- Hurt People"
They are hurting so they lash out or they have a hard time watching someone else be happy because quite frankly they are not.

I do not understand , and probably never will, why if you only have so much time in the course of a day or for that matter here on earth that you choose to use it in a negative.

And make no bones about it- it is a CHOICE-
each day you have the power and the choice to make it what you want.
Do you prefer to try to smile and to try to help someone or do you choose to pull people down, to gossip and use your time in a negative?

There will always be haters- you need to work with them, talk to them so what do you do.
Do not play in their sandbox- let them talk to talk, listen politely and move on.
You do not have to participate in the hate or the gossip-
Use your time as a positive!

If you can help them see the other side fine, it can worth a try- otherwise do not allow their problems to become YOUR problems.

CHOOSE

More on what your help want from you..

Compassion-

Things happen in life and sometimes there is no way around it. If one of your employees comes to you with a problem, take the time to listen and try to figure out a course of action to solve the problem together.
If you put yourself in their shoes, you might understand their point of view better. Try to be compassionate with your employees, because compassion goes a long way to building trust, communication and devoted employees.


Be Passionate-

If you are passionate about the work and the business, it will rub off on your employees. If you make what you and your team doing important and valued, they will respond positively.

Open Lines of Communication-

Employees want a leader that can talk to them and understand their situation. Not only do open lines of communications foster an honest and creative environment, it also fosters trust and teamwork.
An employee should never be afraid to approach you with something. You take the time to listen — really listen (no calls, no emails). The communication works both ways. Once your employees talk to you, you can talk to them open and honestly.

What you employees and crew want from you

Don’t Stand Over Their Shoulder-

Once you were not a boss or a leader. You once were at the bottom of the food chain, and what was one thing that probably drove you crazy? Your boss standing over you and watching your every move.
It might be OK for a couple of days, but remember you more than likely interviewed/hired these people. You already believe they have what it takes. Do you really need to see it for yourself? Not watching your employees’ every move will instill trust between you and your team.

Lead by Example-

If you want your employees to be punctual, you must be punctual. If you want to them to stay late or work on the weekends, you must do the same.
Show them you are willing to get your hands dirty, and they will follow. If you work hard, they will too.

Fairness-

You may have had that one boss that always favored one person and that one person could do anything he or she wanted to. Being fair is not easy, but it is honorable. If you are fair with your employees then they will respect you because they know you are being fair, even if they don’t like your actions.
Being fair also means rewarding that person with the promotion or that raise because he or she deserves it and not rewarding someone who doesn’t deserve a reward and only gets one because of some other reason, like precedent or momentum.

Scratch their backs

What you help and employees want from you...


A Willingness to Scratch Their Backs-

If you are the boss, you have a certain responsibility to your employees and labor and they to you. You know they have to get the work done and you have to help them get it done.
You don’t help them by physically working with them (unless of course that is the only option), but you are to make sure they are not distracted with frivolous duties and they have the resources they need to complete whatever they are working on.
Think about it this way: You run a contractor business. The client changed the color on the carpet. The store is to open in a week. Now you do everything you can to get the right color as fast you can. In return, you will see your employees work harder for you because they know you will come through for them.

Stand Up for What’s Right-

Ever think about some of the leaders that you worked for that you respected even if you didn’t like them? Respect is earned, and one way to earn respect is by standing up for what is right.
If your boss wants to your team to work overtime and not pay them time-and-a-half, you stand up for the team. You tell your bosses it is wrong. If the company is starting to cut corners on manufacturing, you say something.
It is not always easy to stand up for the right thing. It will not always make you popular with certain people, but when you stand up for the right things, that demands respect from those around you.

Customer Service

Excellent customer service is not rocket science,  Here are six important lessons on customer service:

1) Visible leadership from the top, ensuring that everyone is enrolled in its mission and vision.

2) Laser focus on exceeding, not meeting, customer expectations.

3) Making every customer feel like they’re number one.

4) 100% commitment by ALL employees, drivers and crew members.

5) Constant communication–both down and back up to the top.
 6) Recognizing and rewarding performers, while not accepting inferior performance from employees or crew members or labor.

10 Ways

Six Things Effective Leaders Do To Help Retain Employees and good labor

Here are the six things you can do:

1. Make the commitment to create a great place to work.
2. Inspire employee/crews confidence in decisions and clear business direction
3. Work to build trust based on honesty and integrity
4. Practice open, two-way communication, especially in times of uncertainty
5. Look out for the organization before you look out for yourself
6. Believe employees and labor should be developed and retained; not burned out and discarded

More on being Genuine

More on traits on genuine people...


They don’t need a lot of stuff. When you’re comfortable with whom you are, you don’t need a lot of external stuff to be happy. You know where to find happiness – inside yourself, your loved ones, and your work. You find happiness in the simple things.

They’re not thin-skinned. They don’t take themselves too seriously so they don’t take offense when none is intended.

They’re not overly modest or boastful. Since they’re confident of their strengths, they don’t need to brag about them. Likewise, they don’t exhibit false modesty. Humility is a positive trait but it’s even better to just be straightforward.

They’re consistent. You might describe genuine people as being weighty, solid, or substantial. Since they know themselves well and are in touch with their genuine emotions, they’re more or less predictable ... in a good way.

They practice what they preach. They’re not likely to advise people to do something they wouldn’t do themselves. After all, genuine people know they’re no better than anyone else so it’s not in their nature to be self-righteous.

Being Genuine

Being genuine is also a rare quality. In a world full of phony fads, media hype, virtual personas, positive thinkers, and personal brands – where everyone wants what they don’t have, nobody’s content to be who they are, and, more importantly, nobody’s willing to admit to any of that – it’s becoming more and more rare all the time.

To help you identify this rare breed -- in yourself, as well -- this is how genuine people behave.

They don’t seek attention. They don’t need constant reinforcement of their own ego. Where attention seekers have a hole that constantly needs to be filled, genuine people are already filled with self-confidence and self-awareness.

They’re not concerned with being liked. The need to be liked is born of insecurity and narcissism. It creates a need to manipulate your own and other’s emotions. Confident and authentic people are simply themselves. If you like them, fine. If not, that’s fine, too.

They can tell when others are full of it. Perhaps naïve folks can be easily fooled, but genuine people are not naïve. They’re grounded in reality and that gives them a baseline from which they can tell when things don’t add up. There’s a big difference.

They are comfortable in their own skin. In his late 70s, actor Leonard Nimoy said he was closer than ever to being as comfortable with himself as Spock appeared to be. Most of us struggle with that. As Henry David Thoreau observed, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”

They do what they say and say what they mean. They don’t tend to overreach or exaggerate. They meet their commitments. And they don’t parse their words or sugarcoat the truth. If you need to hear it, they’ll tell you … even if it’s tough for them to say and for you to hear.

More tomorrow

I...Me

The most lonely words in the dictionary - I / Me

Look what I did..
It is because of Me..
I ... Me

Try to take notice in the coarse of a day how many times you either say or type those words--
I or Me.

Try replacing them with Us and We...better yet make it your mission to involve others more and push the credit off.
After all you need others to succeed and when they know that they are appreciated and valued they will respond positively.

I know of people that always take the kudos and push off the blame.
It is normally very obvious to all except to the ones that want to put themselves on a pedestal.

A good leader does the opposite, take the heat and give out the credit.
Your fellow employees, crews and friends WILL take notice, either way.

Try to take notice....do you say I and Me or Us and We.

Saying " Thank You"

Saying " Thank You" matters- here is a message of appreciation of a flight passenger to her pilots. The text of her message is below:

Dear pilots of the plane taking me home,
In light of the very recent tragedy in the French Alps and the loss of those poor 150 people, I feel the need to reach out to you and extend a compassionate hand. At the end of the day, we are all humans just trying to live this rollercoaster of a life we have been handed. I understand an event so horrific as this one affects those with your responsibility more than others, and maybe sometimes a kind word, random but heartfelt, can make a difference. I’m hoping to create a ripple effect and spread some compassion and understanding.
Thank you for taking me home. Thank you for doing so safely. Thank you for allowing me to live the life I do in Spain and split my time with my family in England too. You make the excitement I feel now to see my family possible. I hope you get to see your families soon. I’ve had a wonderful flight and hope you have too.
You’re making a massive difference and you’re the reason I can smile tonight.
Take care and spread love. Kindest regards, Bethanie.

“We are all humans just trying to live this rollercoaster of a life we have been handed.” So true, but I do believe we can smooth out that wild ride when we put a little effort into noticing and valuing the people around us. It’s that human connection that matters most, facilitated through the simple act of saying “thanks.”

Meet Elite Drive John Hayes...

Please read and meet another elite driver for Arpin Van Lines…..John Hayes…

   I started my career in the Moving Industry as a helper at the age of 17, when I went to work with my Uncle who was a driver for Arpin Van Lines. I continued working with him  learning as much as I could about the Moving Industry until the age of 18, at that point I had already been and seen most of the United States except Alaska and Hawaii.
    In 1995 I bought my first very own straight truck with the help of Mr. Paul Arpin (What A Honor to Know such a Great Man) And continued my career working East of the Mississippi.
    Mr. Paul Arpin helped my Uncle, who taught me the Moving Industry, open an agent in Kentucky and Mr. Aprin asked me to go to Kentucky and help my Uncle out with the every day operations which I did and worked for 2-3 years, however, working with family is sometimes very difficult and stressful,  so after the success of the agent was complete, I left to continue my career.
    When I left Arpin I worked in the Mayflower System, a agent in Massachusetts for approximately 5 years where I had received several awards consisting of Driver of the Month, and Multiple Safety Awards. I had decided to leave to advance my career and for a better opportunities.
    I stayed in the Mayflower System and worked for an agent out of Memphis TN, where I stayed for 5 years and won several awards such as Driver of the Month, Safety Awards, and Driver of the Year.
    I returned to Paul Arpin Van Lines in 2011 where I continue my career with a family oriented company, and strive to give my career and my customers QUALITY MOVING EXPERIENCE & EXPERTISE, WE ARE CREATING CUSTOMERS FOR LIFE......
    My future goal is to open a Arpin agent and to continue to be part of the Arpin Family for many many years to come......

ARPIN STRONG
John Hayes  

UN- Leadership

Top 12 Signs Of Un-Leadership

 Here are my top 12 signs of un-leadership or demotivators. See if you agree or disagree or maybe you can add some of your own.

1. Make yourself the purpose of everything the organization does.
2. Withhold information and then criticize others for not being as smart as you.
3. Compensate yourself (or a small, inner circle) exponentially better than the team.
4. Reward suck-ups and brown-nosers.
5. Answer questions someone asks of your team members.
6. Interrupt people. Finish their sentences
7. Insist on being right. Never admit fault, or always have an excuse.
8. Show team members where they fall short. It’s only for their good…
9. Remind them how you helped them by showing them where they fell short.
10. Change direction or priorities regularly.
11. Shoot messengers.
12. Ask people to do something but, before they can do it, do it yourself because they weren’t moving fast enough..

and More Quotes

"You know it when you have people on your team upon whom you cannot depend. Everyone on the team knows it. Likewise, you know the ones you can depend on."

"Discipline is doing what you really don’t want to do so that you can do what you really want to do."

"Discipline means doing the right things at the right time for the right reason."

"People will always move toward anyone who increases them and away from others who devalue them."

"No man is more cheated than the selfish man"

"One is not born into this world to do everything, but to do something."

"You can claim to be surprised once; after that you are unprepared"

Some more Quotes

"The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender"

"Nobody who ever gave his best regretted it"
 "To state it bluntly, you cannot have teamwork unless you have communicative players. Without communication you don’t have a team; you have a collection of individuals"

"Union is strength. But there can be no union without good communication"

"The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor"

"People forget how fast you did a job. But they remember how well you did it"

"Inspiration is easy. Implementation is the hard part."
 "It is not enough that we do our best; we have to do what’s required."

   
  

Some Quotes

  "Inflexibility is one of the worst human failings. You can learn to check impetuosity, overcome fear with confidence, and laziness with discipline. But for rigidity of mind there is no antidote. It carries the seeds of its own destruction."

 "Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape"

"Doing nothing for others is the undoing of one’s self"


"To collaborative team members, completing one another is more important than competing with one another."

"True progress in any field is a relay race and not a single event."

"When you work together with teammates, you can do remarkable things. If you work alone, you leave a lot of victories on the table. Collaboration has a multiplying effect on everything you do because it releases and harnesses not only your skills but also those of everyone on the team."

 

 

Motivate and Respect

 Be a motivator.

When you have emotional mastery, you're able to choose wisely between short-term comfort and long-term goals, between what you want now and what you want most. And developing your personal motivation gives you insight into motivating others.

 Create a safe zone.

Making others feel comfortable and secure, not having to weigh each thought or measure every word, encourages the kind of open communication that characterizes great teams.

 Treat people with respect.

Those with strong emotional intelligence are typically respectful of others. Rather than focus on your own success first, help others develop and shine by respecting their strengths and talents. Remember that to give respect is to get respect.
People with high emotional intelligence are usually successful in most things they do. Because they have a deep understanding of self, they make others feel good about themselves, and they go through life with much more ease and enthusiasm.
Building a strong emotional intelligence will not only impact your leadership, it will change your life, and the lives of those around you.

Here are some ways to unlock your hidden emotional intelligence.

Here are some ways to unlock your hidden emotional intelligence.

1. Be emotionally aware.

Make a deliberate daily effort to pay attention to your emotions and behaviors, your actions and reactions. Consider how they affect you and those around you.

2. Hold yourself accountable.

Being in control of your emotions and moods is a basic element of personable responsibility. When you can regulate your responses, you avoid making bad decisions in the heat of the moment--and ultimately, you learn to regulate your state of mind.

3. Be confident in yourself and your team.

Knowing that you can master the moment, that you and those around you have the skills and abilities to come out on top of a crisis situation, gives you the ability to react appropriately to whatever life brings--and to set that example for others.

4. Bring your empathy.

Empathy is the highest order of emotional intelligence. When you can see with the eyes of another, listen with the ears of another, and feel with the heart of another, a whole new level of understanding and communication opens up to you.

Technology

Influence without authority.

As the world becomes more interconnected, relationships in organizations become more complex. No matter what organizational structure is in place, you must be able to work with others across reporting lines. And you need be able to communicate and collaborate with diverse stakeholders such as vendors, dispatch, agents and even competitors. Understanding how to influence without authority is a key competency.
You can no longer say “Do it because I told you so.” Your ability to influence is dependent on your credibility and character.

Collaborate across boundaries.

One person cannot have all the answers, nor can one group. The complexities of the organizations and the challenges you face demand that work be organize around the right people, regardless of what department they reside. Silos didn’t work well before. They are impossible in this Age.

Use technology to stay connected.

Technology has created many challenges. It also holds the answers.
Nothing will ever replace the value of face-to-face time, but the reality is that most teams need to be able to work together over great physical distances.

Treating people

If you live your life with just one simple rule-
Treat people the way that you would like to treated-
You will have a good life.

It is as simple as that-
I realize that it is easier said then done but actually when you make it your life's rule and you live by it daily it actually becomes easier.
Most times we carry anger over of some kind of bigotry I or bias and clouds are responses or how we treat people.

Step back, take a minute to listen to yourself and think - how would you fell? How would you react to your tone or inflictions or accusations?

Forgiveness is a big part of it too.
We tend to think because someone hurt us or did us wrong we have a pass to do the same.
Don't lower yourself to that mentality.
Challenge yourself to be better than that, to be bigger than that.

Treat others the way you want to be treated.- It will come back to you ten fold and you will be a happier person.

Leading and managing

Paint a very clear picture of where the organization is going.

Whether you are the leader of the entire organization or the leader of a team or a driver, it’s no longer possible to be physically present to manage what happens every moment. If you try to control all the details, you will drown. The ticket out is to ensure everyone is aligned around a shared vision. Then they can use their own brains to figure out the best way to work together to achieve it. The role of leadership shifts to a focus on communicating and modeling the vision.

Provide leadership no matter what your level or role is.

No matter what your official organizational title – supervisor, manager, administrator, crew chief , driver – if you’re not leading, you’re standing still or going in circles. You must be able to think both strategically and tactically. Leadership must be emergent – allowed and supported to emerge as needed. This is reminiscent of an essential leadership skill of the Stone Age, where the one who saw an opportunity or danger, or the one with the greatest skill in relation to a particular need or opportunity, was the one who responded and organized others to respond.

Body Language

Attending to body language.

 Pay attention to body language and be able to spot discrepancies between what you are hearing and what you are seeing. How many times have you been sitting in a meeting or on a move when somebody said everything was fine but his or her body language was saying that it is clearly not? Avoid the temptation to say, “Oh, good, everything is ok. Let’s move on.”

STOP- LOOK AND LISTEN

Three Easy Ways to Be a Better Leader

1. Practice deep breathing. Before a big meeting, a difficult conversation, or a brainstorming session—any time you need to be fully in the moment—take three deep breaths. Dr. Herbert Benson, Fellow at The American Institute of Stress, cites the benefit as increased nitric oxide, positively affecting the parasympathetic nervous system and resulting in muscle relaxation and reduced heart rate. That means an increase in calmness and feelings of well-being.

2. Lessen distractions. Turn away from the computer, go for a walk or have a walking meeting, close your eyes (if you’re virtual). Reducing distractions and getting back to nature have a wide variety of benefits. A study done at Princeton Neuroscience Institute showed that a high rate of visual input reduces the brain’s ability to focus. Your brain actually suppresses activity at a certain point of stimulation. Even better, a study published in 2010 in the Journal of Environmental Psychology showed that spending just 20 minutes outside per day could boost energy levels.

3. Notice when your inner talk goes off topic. We all have an inner voice. Mine sounds like my second-grade teacher, Mrs. Hall, constantly pushing me to do more, get on with things, and stay busy, busy, busy. It’s not about getting rid of the inner chatter. It’s about noticing it and redirecting your thoughts. That’s it. Simply notice; don’t judge.

5 pieces of advice from Past Redskin Owner Jack Kent Cooke

What were these awesome pieces of advice? Here they are:

1) Never, ever, be afraid to hire someone smarter than you.

2) Always remember the 7 most important words: “I don’t know but I’ll find out“.

3) Take the word “can’t” out of your vocabulary, it’s useless.

4) Be a doer, not a thinker.

5) Beware of those calling themselves “experts” – they really don’t know everything.

Consider the underlying concepts in each of them: building the best team, fostering honesty & humility, displaying positivity and persistence, “getting stuff done”, and showing professional skepticism – all essential to great leadership.
I was grateful to have a mentor like him at that stage of my career, because I didn’t need to be force fed the concepts in a scholarly way – I needed it (literally) straight, no chaser, and, with the authority of someone who had “been there, done that”.

Cooke was 75 when he told me these things, so he certainly qualified as experienced. So it was really easy to take what he said as the gospel truth.