I'm a Professional Mover

I’m A Professional Mover
By Chris Noblit

I'm a professional mover...not a social worker. Please don't threaten me, accuse me of taking advantage of you, tell me about how your husband/brother/aunt/uncle/friends/brother/sister cheated you, or tell me about your financial or medical troubles. Please don't start crying. Please stop screaming. Please don't share you life woes with me. Please don't threaten me with physical or legal violence. Please keep your personal issues to yourself because I'm a professional mover...not a social worker.

I'm a professional mover...…not a mind reader. Please don't make me guess what you intend to move. Please be specific about the articles you need moved and if you make any significant changes it is perfectly understandable...but please have the courtesy to call me and tell me what has changed because I'm a professional mover...not a mind reader.

I'm a professional mover......not a garbage man. Please don't expect me to dispose of all the junk you don't want. Yes I can move it out to the curb, but I charge for such a service. And, no, I don't want it for my house...because it's junk. And please don't expect me to work in a filthy environment...because I'm a professional mover...not a garbage man.

I'm a professional mover...not a magician. I can't move lamps, lampshades, mirrors, glass or marble tops, dishes, or collectibles which are not properly packed. Such articles will break if they are not properly packed because...I'm a professional mover...not a magician.

I'm a professional mover...not a thief. I can't tell you why your Uncle Milty/Aunt Sarah/Brother Kevin/Sister Sue/Uncle Mac/Cousin Fred/Friend Joey moved one half the amount of stuff you have, twice the distance, for one half the amount I told you I would charge. My rates and charges are not arbitrary, they are published in my tariff and I charge based upon my published tariff rates because I'm a professional mover...not a thief.

I'm a professional mover... not a plumber, carpenter, or electrician which is who you need to hire to take down your chandelier, hookup your icemaker, or de-install your hard-wired electric range. My men are trained movers and they dismantle standard household items such as beds, tables, and the occasional light-bridge...but they are not qualified to do plumbing, carpentry, or electrical work. And this is because I'm a professional mover...not a plumber, a carpenter, or an electrician.

I'm a professional mover...not a fool. Please stop telling me how very light and how very small everything you need to move is. I have been a professional mover for a very long time and I am competent to judge of the size and weight of your shipment. And when I tell you how much your shipment weighs please don't laugh at me. I counted what you showed me and I applied industry standard measurements to quantify your shipment. I did this because I'm a professional mover...not a fool.

I'm a professional mover...not a scam artist. I counted everything you showed me and if your shipment weighs significantly more then I estimate it is because you took more items then you showed me. Yes: I know I told you if you didn't take the piano you would save $150.00 and (yes) I understand that you got rid of the piano and (yes) I understand that your move without the piano cost more than I estimated with the piano. This is because you took more items then you showed me. You really did save $150.00 by not moving the piano. Really, you did. And, yes, I need to charge you for a destination shuttle because your destination residence is not accessible by my tractor-trailer. And, no, this is not my fault...it is because of where you decided to live, not me. No...I cannot carry your shipment one half of a mile to your new home; I need to rent a small truck to shuttle and double handle your shipment into your new residence. But this is a legitimate charge: I know because I'm a professional mover...not a scam artist.

No. I'm a professional mover...not a social worker…not a mind reader...not a garbage man...not a magician...not a thief...not a plumber, carpenter, or electrician...not a fool...and I certainly not a scam artist.

But...then...I guess...the very best professional movers have to be social workers, and mind readers, and garbage men, magicians, and plumbers, and carpenters, and electricians.