Break the Chain

Break the chain..
YOU have the POWER..

Did you have a tough childhood ? Did you not get positive support or hugs or love ?
Did you watch abuse growing up ?
Did you dream someday your life would be different?

Be the change you dreamed of.. break the chain.

Have you ever heard the phrase.. hurt people- hurt people -? It is so very true , we have a tendency to latch out at others or to follow the same abusive path that we said we would never do and sometimes we even realize it and still go down the same path. Break the chain -

Do you feel you may drink to much or you use booze to numb the pain..stop..it is not numbing anything, it is only hurting your body and mind..be strong and substitute it with something good.
Want a drink ? ..Read a book, read an autobiography of someone you admire or take a walk and just appreciate the trees and nature.
Sound hokey..yea maybe but try it and you may be surprised.

Own your life and your destiny , only YOU can turn it around .. just do it..commit.
Be honest with yourself and want to be that person that you always wanted to be, that friend you wanted to be or that parent. Break the chain ..it STARTS with YOU.

Henry James, was an American author is regarded considered by many to be among the greatest novelists in the English language once said:

Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind.
- Henry James-

Be kind to yourself first..

Help others

From A Christmas Carol:

“It is required of every man, “that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellowmen, and travel far and wide; and if that spirit goes not forth in life, it is condemned to do so after death. It is doomed to wander through the world — oh, woe is me! — and witness what it cannot share, but might have shared on earth, and turned to happiness!”

 The message is simple- give back and help others-

The force of that fictional lament is born out in our own experiences. Research suggests that giving to others, when a matter of choice and not compulsion, makes us happy — often, happier than when we spend on ourselves. When we alleviate others’ pain, we feel a special pleasure. The things we remember and savor most in life include the times we helped others.

There are countless others who know the great happiness that poor Jacob Marley cannot share. Christmas Day — which for Christians symbolizes the birth of hope and love in the face of darkness and cruelty, much as Scrooge was inspired by his night of ghostly visits to make a fresh start and live fully — seems a good time to ponder that.

Merry Christmas!

Learning

We are always learning.. or at least we should be.
Life is our school , every person around us has lessons for us to learn.

We all have have good and bad in our lives and difficulties , we learn more from our failures then our successes. Success without integrity is not a success at all , it may take you longer to get there by always take the right path and “ getting there” may not even end up where you started out.

Follow the right path and believe and always observe and learn , learn from other’s - do not judge others but try to understand why they may be what they are or do what they do.
Remember we all are struggling with something and we have had experiences that shaped us.

Enjoy the good and extend the olive branch and follow the right path, the path of love and hope.
We are all just visiting, make the best of every day and do not get bogged down with the hate, look up and take a deep breath..it will be ok.. smile.

I wish you all Peace, love and understanding.

And the beauty of it all is it is YOUR choice...choose the right paths and if you fall off the right path don’t beat yourself up.. that is part of the learning.

64

64.. that was old my sister Eileen was when she passed away yesterday.

My sister had a tough life and battled with the same devil that grabbed my father and still has hold of my other sister and nephew.. alcohol.

I watched my whole life as alcohol destroyed so many lives, not only those infected with this disease but the family members around them. I thank the good lord every day that I am not an alcoholic and neither are my kids, it is a shame how we still glorify getting drunk. I wish that instead of all those commercials showing people laughing and in these beautiful bodies that they show a person at the end of their life that have been alcoholics then maybe it would not be so glorified.
My sister loved to laugh and had a big heart, unfortunately a lot of that got lost in her later years because of the drinking.

As I have said in past blogs I always preached to my kids - everything in moderation- it is not so much that alcohol is bad it is the abuse of alcohol and some people like my good friend Steve who passed away way to young and my sister have a type personality that they do not have a shut off switch so they abuse the booze or even pot and eventually get lead to pills or higher drugs, it is a vicious circle and ugly.
I am sad for all the years my sister lost and all the years that will lose and all because she killed herself..slowly but it was her choice and that makes it even harder in a lot of respects. She tried rehab several times and was clean for three years straight then started it all up again. I loved my sister and to watch her do to herself what my dad and uncle and other friends did to themselves was hurtful but most of all I hurt for her.

If you have a loved one that shows signs of alcoholism try your best to hit it early, be honest and try to help. Ultimately it is always their choice but at least try. Laughing and looking the other way will not help, they need you, they need help.
And if you have kids or grandkids set the example , show them. What they see is much more powerful then what you say.

Humble and Kind

You know there's a lot that goes by the front door
Don't forget the keys under the mat
Childhood stars shine, always stay humble and kind
Go to church 'cause your momma says to
Visit grandpa every chance that you can
It won't be a waste of time
Always stay humble and kind

Hold the door say please say thank you
Don't steal, don't cheat, and don't lie
I know you got moutains to climb but
Always stay humble and kind
When the dreams you're dreamin' come to you
When the work you put in is realized
Let yourself feel the pride but
Always stay humble and kind

Don't expect a free ride from no one
Don't hold a grudge or a chip and here's why
Bitterness keeps you from flying
Always stay humble and kind
Know the difference between sleeping with someone
And sleeping with someone you love
I love you ain't no pick up line so
Always stay humble and kind

Social madness

Social madness..


Do you view social sites to keep up with your friends and loved ones or do you view it more now to see what the people you may not like are doing ?

As usual people find a way to take what should be a nice and positive tool and use it for bad and negative. Social sites can be a great way to share pictures of your love ones or events you liked but people use it to spy or troll.
This is nothing new of course with good always comes bad, I always tried to preach to my kids growing up to use their on mind and not be sheep and I also said that everything in moderation. For example alcohol is not bad unless you abuse it, everything in moderation.

Same with social sites, use your own mind , realize that other people may be posting to just bust you up and to get you annoyed. Everyone likes to post the good but trust me everyone is going through something so do not waste your time being jealous or wanting what they have.

With all this technology comes responsibility and the ability to stay focused on your family and your goals and what positive you can do today.

Use social media to say hi to an old friend and stay in their lives , we all need to hear the positive..
Use it as a positive!

The Dreaming Kind

The Dreaming Kind

I turned off the news again tonite
It’s getting hard to watch everyone fight
Every time I turn my face
I see the world from outer space
How small we are but look how much we have to waste

Giving it all I got
There’ll be no more wasting precious time
Giving it all I got
Nothing’s ever going to change my mind
That we’re beautiful inside
You could say I’m the dreaming kind

Could you imagine it, if love was blind
If on this earth everybody was kind
Oh what a different world it’d be
If peace was our reality
But how far will we have to fall
before we meet destiny

Giving it all I got
There’ll be no more wasting precious time
Giving it all I got
Nothing’s ever going to change my mind
That we’re beautiful inside
You could say I’m the dreaming kind

Every child is pure until he learns to hate
They watch with innocence and imitate
They say love can conquer all, well, there is no time to wait

Giving it all I got
Even if I can’t change a thing
Giving it all I got
Gonna fight to keep remembering
We are beautiful inside
You could say I’m the dreaming kind

credits

Important

It’s nice to be important but it more important to be nice.

This is why titles have always meant nothing to me, both for me and in others.
People will not respect you merely because you have a title and you earn that.
And to lead with respect with always result in an up hill battle and most likely lead to failure.
Intimidation can only go so far, People will find a way to undermine you and certainly will never give you 100% because without respect you will never obtain trust.
Respect and trust go hand and hand.
People will also see through the BS, just like a dog smells fear people can feel sincerity.

Be nice.

It is that simple, be nice to everyone not just the people you think will get you something and not just certain days but every day.

This time of year you hear a lot of Merry Christmas- happy holidays- God Bless - and you hear a lot of nice words but put those well wishes into action. To many times I hear all these nice words only to hear gossip and ugliness right after.

Just be nice...

It’s a wonderful life

One of my favorite movies is It’s a Wonderful Life..
In it the main character gets a chance to see what life would have been like if he was never born.
The two things you draw from this movie is-
You make a difference!
And do not get caught up in the day to day or money issues so much so that you lose yourself and the simple love of your family.
This IS a wonderful life and there are so many things that we can be thankful for and the most important things do not revolve around money.
Use this time around the holidays to look up, look around, see the people that are important in your life and spend time with them.

Managing

An excerpt from the book: Everyone’s a Coach..

 In the typical organization, the most frequent response people get to their performance is no response. We have a name for the kind of manager who only notices employees when they make a mistake. We call this a “ leave-alone-zap! manager.” You leave the person alone long enough for them to fail, then you move in and zap them. The leave-alone-zap! is the main strategy in what I refer to as “ seagull management.”  Seagull managers fly in, make a lot of noise, dump on everyone, and then fly off somewhere. 

That that sound familiar?

We all have seen this and , unfortunately, have been a part of this in our work day.

Be better than that, get involved- Listen - help ! 

You improve when others around you improve.

“A rising tide lifts all boats.”

Land of Hopes and Dreams

Land of Hope and Dreams

Bruce Springsteen

LYRICS

Oh oh this train, I'm riding this train
Don't you wanna ride
(This train)
Oh get on, get on (this train)

Grab your ticket and your suitcase
Thunder's rolling down the tracks
You don't know where you're goin' now
But you know you won't be back
Darlin' if you're weary
Lay your head upon my chest
We'll take what we can carry
And we'll leave the rest

Big wheels rolling through fields
Where sunlight streams
Meet me in a land of hope and dreams

I will provide for you
And I'll stand by your side
You'll need a good companion
For this part of the ride
Leave behind your sorrows
Let this day be the last
Tomorrow there'll be sunshine
And all this darkness past

Big wheels roll through fields
Where sunlight streams
Meet me in a land of hope and dreams

This train carries saints and sinners
This train carries losers and winners
This train carries whores and gamblers
This train carries lost souls
I said, this train dreams will not be thwarted
This train faith will be rewarded
This train hear the steel wheels singin'
This train bells of freedom ringin'

This train carries saints and sinners
This train carries losers and winners
This train carries whores and gamblers
This train carries lost souls
I said, this train carries broken-hearted
This train thieves and sweet souls departed
This train carries fools and kings
This train, all aboard 

I said, this train dreams will not be thwarted
This train faith will be rewarded
This train hear the steel wheels singin'
This train bells of freedom ringin'

Come on this train
People get ready
You don't need no ticket
All you got do is just get on board
On board this train
This train, people get ready
You don't need no ticket (oh I know you don't)
You don't need no ticket you just get on board (people get ready)
You just thank the Lord (people get ready) 

Come on this train (people get ready)

Christmas

The true meaning of Christmas..

As usual our society wraps up celebrations with spending money and fables, rather it is Easter and the Easter bunny or Christmas and Santa Claus we forget the real meaning and worse do not even bother to talk about the meanings with our kids.

The Christmas season is suppose to be the time we celebrate Jesus and his teachings.

What I always found fascinating, well maybe not always but in my later years, is many religions and people differ on who Jesus was but they all recognize that there was a man who walked this earth thousands of years ago that preached goodness and love.
That is what we should celebrate, that is what we should talk about with our kids and grandkids.

He talked about Loving your neighbor as yourself, not certain neighbors but everybody.
He talked about the evil of money and greed.
He preached to help those less fortunate then you.
He talked about forgiveness and not judging others.

No one can argue that his teaching were , and still are , - simple and powerful.

You can disagree with what men have done in the name of religion or what powerful men have done to the church and wars that have been fought in the name of religion but you cannot argue those words, his simple words of love.
We know that his words were so powerful that we still talk about them thousands of years later and they are still words that if you try to live by you will feel more free and rewarded.

Those people that fought wars because of religion or did wrong in the churches were just men , men that power and money took them over.
It does not diminish what a man born thousands of years ago said,-  how did a man who lived in a time of no mass communication spread this word?
Add on that he was not born into wealth - how and why?

All I know is I hope we do not lose his message while we run up our credit cards in efforts to show the people that we care about that we love them.-

If you care about them then try to live his words - forgive- Love- live simple and help others.

Merry Christmas

Sound familiar?

Does this sound like anyone you might know ?

Below is an excerpt from a book written by Gerry Spence-

“I know people who use argument merely to hear their own voices. They are noise makers.
These people seem perfectly secure, but they are enchanted by their own words, enthralled with their own wisdom, and they are, to be sure, as boring as popcorn without salt. They have, during the course of their lives, made so much noise and filled the air with so much authoritative banality that they have no time to form an original thought, nor have they given themselves the opportunity to hear and learn anything from listening to anyone else”.


I know a lot of people like this and it never ceases to amaze me that they really think the rest of us do not see the “real” them or the “ real” truth.
They love hearing themselves talk .
Do not be fooled, let them live in their own world and work around them.
Do not even give them the satisfaction of arguing, choose your fights.
I always say that I only have so much oxygen in a day and I do not want to waste it on those that only want to listen to their own voice anyway.

Move on

Never Forget

Never Forget..
Never forget where you came from or who helped get you there.

Our rewards are in the journey, the people we meet and have helped us and that we learned from.

At the beginning of our work world we are grateful for the little things and for the people that take the time to talk to us and give us advice or show us a better way and thank goodness for the people that gave us an opportunity when we had no experience.

At the beginning it is about the friendships and learning and being a part of something, do not lose those feelings.
Too many people forget the simple things and the joy of learning along the way and those moments of laughter as you worked and grew as a person.

We have a tendency to get caught up with the ambition to do more, make more money and get that promotion and along the way we forget what got us to where we are and the people that got us there, worse yet we turn on backs on them or just leave them behind without even keeping in touch or showing them our appreciation.

The holidays is a great time to call that someone and say thank you.

And pay it forward.. help that other person , stop the rush of life to enjoy the rewards of helping others - smile- Listen - we learn a lot more when we listen and who knows , maybe that person that helped you when you needed it may need that support in their life now... make the time..

Never forget.

Fuel

Going through life what has fueled me are :
People that are bullies
People that ignore me
People that think they are better than everyone else

These are all fuel for me to do better, to be better.

My goals were and still are:
Make my wife proud
Provide opportunities to my kids that I did not have
Try to be there for my grandkids

My fuel helps me achieve my goals and pushes me.

I never claim to know all the secrets, far from it but I have learned through the years that if you stay focused on doing good and helping others while learning from everyone you can do some pretty cool things.
 I have been blessed 10 times over and continue to try to remember that and to keep trying to stay focused and fueled and never take a day for granted. With each day comes opportunity, opportunities to learn and to try to be a better person and make a difference.

Do not allow bullies to beat you down.. turn around and use them as fuel.
He who laughs last , laughs best.
By buying into their negativity you allow them to win - YOU allow them- do not give them that win, believe in yourself and understand that their’s is a house of cards- most likely built on insecurities and their own power grab.

Stay positive - push through- and remember your goals.

The Long Way Around

Lyrics from a popular song -

My friends from high school
Married their high school boyfriends
Moved into houses in the same ZIP codes
Where their parents live 

But I, I could never follow
No, I, I could never follow 

I hit the highway in a pink RV with stars on the ceiling
Lived like a gypsy
Six strong hands on the steering wheel 

I've been a long time gone now
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down
But I've always found my way somehow 

By taking the long way
Taking the long way around 

I met the queen of whatever
Drank with the Irish, and smoked with the hippies
Moved with the shakers
Wouldn't kiss all the asses that they told me to 

No, I, I could never follow 

It's been two long years now
Since the top of the world came crashing down
And I'm getting' it back on the road now 

But I'm taking the long way
Taking the long way around
I'm taking the long way 

Well, I fought with a stranger, and I met myself
I opened my mouth, and I heard myself
It can get pretty lonely when you show yourself
Guess I could have made it easier on myself 

But I, I could never follow
No, I, I could never follow 

Well, I never seem to do it like anybody else
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down
If you ever want to find me, I can still be found

Complicated

Life is not complicated, we make it complicated.
We worry, we work so we can buy more, there is a lyric in a Harry Chain song, “ Let Time Go Lightly” that goes- ..
“Morning, a time for breaking ground and sowing seed, and yet we give up our sunshine so we can buy what we need.”
We only have so much time and yes we need to work to make money to survive but do not allow it to overtake you and allow you to forget about enjoying the simple things.
Work hard and do your best in whatever you do because there can be much reward in work and try your best to have a good work, life balance - it flies by.
Try to uncomplicate your life.

Liars

You can run but you can not hide..
No matter how far you run, you are always there..

The wheels of justice do turn.. slowly but they DO turn.
Eventually your lies will catch up to you, call it karma, call it justice,  call it what you want but I have seen it time and time again. People think they are out smarting others and can lie and do wrong and no one will ever know - wrong.

Life can be so much easier if you simply try your best never to intentionally hurt people and you tell the truth, your shoulders will be much lighter.

You will not only feel better about yourself you will start to see good things happening in your life, you will be rewarded.
Stop being selfish and worrying about making more money to buy more stuff and stepping on people to get all that crap..let it go..less is more.

Be true to yourself because YOU know and in the end you will not escape it, it is never to late to turn the leaf and find true happiness.

Live in the Moment

Live in the Moment

We are constantly worried about something and spend most of our day planning for tomorrow, or next week or next month.. try living in the Moment.

Kids get this , they have no worries , they just live in the moment and want to have a good time.
As we get older we have responsibilities and then bills and jobs and we get overloaded with STUFF.
Let it go.
Easier said then done but like anything else you can train your mind , but first you need to be conscious of it, conscious of your day .

Time is passing you by..don’t waste it.

The most precious thing you can give a loved one is your time, not gifts or toys but YOU- your time.
Take a walk with them, shut off the noise around you and look at them and talk and more important..listen.

Taking time for yourself is just as important, shut it down and quiet your mind.

Live in the Moment

‘‘Tis the Season

Tis the season of change

The seasons are the contrast
Heed a life and how it's done
It's time to let go of all our past
And let go of what's to come

Write down your excuses
And turn them into dust
And plant the seeds of change
Water it with trust

And light a light tonight, we light a light
We light a light tonight, we light a light
Now about this time is ending and everyone is here
We light a light, a light this year
'Tis the season of change

What do we have, what do we have not?
What do we need that isn't here?
This mindless, numb, consuming
Is driven by a subtle fear

It's time we stopped believing
That there will not be enough
I know they said it on the TV
So turn it off, break the chains
Step outside and feel the love

And light a light tonight, we light a light
We light a light tonight, we light a light
Now about this time is ending, everyone is here
We light a light, a light this year
'Tis the season of change

Ooh change, we shall change
We must change

Heaven is inside, it's all around not just above
Choose only love
Heaven is inside, it's all around not just above
Choose only love

Choose only love
Choose only love
Choose only love
Choose only love

And light a light tonight, we light a light
Light a light tonight, we light a light
We light a light
Light a light tonight, we light a light
We light a light tonight, we light a light
'Tis the season of change

Holidays

What do the holidays mean to you ?

Buying gifts ? Running around ? Buying more gifts ?

Wow, did we ever get off track here.. I understand that our whole economy revolves around people spending and buying but somewhere along the way we totally got lost.

We worry so much about buying gifts that we work up our credit cards so much that we need to work more to make more money which is too bad because the most important gift we can give to our loved ones is “ time” and we waste it away serving our masters to make more money.

I know it is increasingly difficult but try to slow it down but try to make it a family priority to buy less and talk more.
Try to arrange a gathering with no TV or social media or selfies..have a throw back celebration and do nothing.. nothing but appreciating what you have done together and maybe what plans lay ahead. Talk about politics..yup..politics..have healthy discussions about what we are as a country and what role, big or small you can all play.
Talk about education or what you may be able to do positively to effect the life of a loved one that may be struggling.

The important thing is that you just “ see” each other and smile.
No need to unwrap anything... hmmmm what a novel idea.

No need to impress

As we get older we find the need to impress others diminish more and more.

Growing up we seek approval, first from our parents , then our peers and teachers, we seem to always have the need to impress others to confirm what we are doing matters.
As we grow up we try to impress our boss so we can get that promotion or raise or maybe even just that atta boy.

Wanting to impress may come from daddy issues, maybe our father did not give us those hugs or positive reenforcements when we needed it or maybe we had to drop out of school so those with a higher education intimated us, whatever our reasons we all normally strive to impress.
Nothing wrong with striving to do better but sometimes in order to try to impress others we may compromise too much and maybe lose a bit of ourselves.

As we get older and we do not need as much we start to let go of all that , at least I hope we do because only then can we start to regain some of that real childhood magic. The childhood magic of those very young ages when you just had plain fun and you did things because you wanted to do them not because you had to and you never judged others.
Then within that time by realeasing worrying so much about yourself you can do even more for others and that is when we truly start smiling from within and doing God’s work.

Life is certainly a journey and self reflection is a big part of it, I am certainly not the same person I was 40 years ago and I hope to keep learning and growing and letting go of the material things and embracing life itself- I wish the same for you.




   

Gratitude

Reach higher

“There is no passion to be found playing small; in settling for a life that is less impactful than the one you are capable of leading.”
Nelson Mandela 


"Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance."
Robert F Kennedy


Reach Higher.. YOU can make difference!

Sincerity

People can tell the difference from sincerity and B S .

It may take more time with some because there are many carnival barkers and snake oil salesmen out there and they will look you in the eye and smile and say what you want to hear but they really only have one goal in mind and it mostly revolves around them.
In today’s world it is more important them ever to beware.

I get that people are most worried about their wallets and money and that is where they can get lost and fall deaf to the truth. At work as in your personal life the most important ingredient is Trust and you can only trust those that are truly sincere and sincere about YOU and your well being.
In the end the rest of it is a shell game, be careful who you hitch your wagon to because if you are just a number to them or a vehicle for them to get what they want then you are expendable.
All people can detect BS but they can also get caught up with what they want to hear and can be snookered by the smooth talkers.

Watch what they do to others, listen to how they talk about others..and if they can talk and do those things to others they can and will easily do it to you.

Beware.

Surround yourself by those that truly care, that do just see numbers, the rest will take care of itself.

Personally I have NEVER made a work decision solely on money, rather it was to take a position, change jobs or to accept a promotion- it was never about the money.
I always had enough confidence in my work ethic and ability that the money would take care of itself but following someone that I had no respect for or did not trust would eat away at me every day and I could never live with that.

Judge

Are you judge and jury ?

Do you make your mind up on people and judge them without really knowing them ?
Do you know why they may be the way they are? Their upbringing or the trials and tribulations that they may have lived through or are living through?
How about what is going on in their life right now ? Do you know of any health issues they may be dealing with, either personally or with a loved one?

Leave the judging to the big guy waiting for all of us.

Know this- everyone has a story- everyone has suffered and has either gone through something or is going through something.
I know people that have gone through and are going through cancer , Alzheimer’s,  kids with autism and other special needs, the death of a loved one ( after many years of suffering) and more with other burdens and challenges.
They get up every day and go to work, try to smile and worry about bills , their families and jobs and so much more and you would never know.

While than judging try smiling and trying to help wherever you can with whoever you can.

Lighten your load -

Hard times for an honest man

John Melloncamp

One man does his work
He's not satisfied not at all
Feels like that he's being used
His self respect starts to fall
His frustration
Running very very high he takes it out
On the ones he loves, because it's safe
And who they gonna tell
And he hates that cold-bloodedness
That runs inside

Oh yes
It's hard times, for an honest man
Very, very hard times
Hard times, for an honest man
Very, very hard times

Sister,
She's got a lot of pride
You can see it when she walks into the room
But she's young
And she's unaware
Of what a brutal world can do to you
So she loves a man
He lies like a dog
Tears her little world all apart
So the walls go up
For the rest of her days
And there ain't no man can touch this
Girls heart
Oh yes.
It's hard times, for an honest man
Very, very hard times
Hard times, for an honest man
Very, very hard times

So we walk
From the front porch to the back yard
Just to laugh and say hello and
Say goodbye
But some days are hard, like a
Soldier's steel-toed boots
And the rent we pay to stay here
Gets high
Oh yes.
It's hard times, for an honest man
Very, very hard times
Hard times, for an honest man
Very, very hard times

Always be positive

An excerpt from : Success is a Choice by Rick Petino

Always be Positive-

You can be extremely hardworking. But if you’re not positive , you’re inhibiting your chance at success.

The problem is we are constantly surrounded by naysayers , sheathed it is family, friends, co-workers, or a cynical culture. It’s very frustrating, for these negative voices can become a chorus that knocks the life out of you. You must try to cut these people from your life, or if that’s impossible, at least be aware of their destructive message.

The reality is that we can control our mood. Unlike so many other things in life that you can’t change, you can control your mood. Moods can be reversed, and you can teach yourself to do that. Looking at a situation positively enhances the quality of your life.

Self motivated people look at each day as a new opportunity. You can teach yourself to do this, just as you can condition yourself to look at things more positively, whether it’s unexpected change or the minor setbacks we all face in life.

The key is to stay positive in tough times. The rule is simple: the more trying the times the more positive you have to be. This is especially true in the workplace where our industries and our companies are going through challenges all the time. We must look at change as a possibility, a chance to be more successful. We must learn to maximize the good times and shrink the bad times down as small as we can possibly make them.

We must also learn how to live in and enjoy the present, Free from failures of the past and the anxieties of the future.

Courage

Do not allow the noise of other people’s opinions drown out your own “ inner voice “
And most important have the COURAGE to follow your heart and intuition.

It is very easy to give up or buy in or keep quiet and walk in the direction of least resistance but if you follow your heart your shoulders will be lighter and you will be amazed at the doors that will open.
Follow the paths in front of you or move the path, if your goal is selfless and you truly want to do good then trust yourself and go for it.

So what was, and still is, my goal ? And where do I find my courage?

Growing up I did not have a picture perfect family, my parents were both blue collar workers that never finished middle school , my father was an alcoholic and my mom did her best to raise three kids while sometimes working three jobs. There was never hugs or “ I love you “ thrown around or discussions around a dinner table at night.
I never knew what I was missing because as a kid you do not know what other families are doing but at a very young age I knew I wanted more, I wanted a family that hugged and loved and ate dinner together and talked about the day and that became my ultimate goal - Family-

Then the good Lord put my now wife in my path and in 1980 she became my courage, somehow I knew and I followed my heart and my life has been an amazing journey .

Goals and courage... what are yours ? And where do you find your courage?

Anger

If someone is trying to get you angry most likely they are trying to control you or shut you up.
Anger works.
Developing a US against THEM mentality works, it has proven through out history.

Personally I always ran the other way, if someone wants to get me angry or works really hard at trying to turn me against someone or something my antenna goes up and I start to REALLY listen.
I have always chose to not join the good old boy gang for a reason, I want to make my own decisions and not be influenced, there have been many people in my past that people talked bad about or told me negative stories and I found out later they were actually good people and the stories I heard were mostly lies.

The same went for people I hired, I went with my gut and trusted and most times I was able to find the true person inside. Some of most trusted employees and drivers and co workers were people that others trashed for some reason, and the some reason was mostly slanted personally toward the person doing the trashing.

Don’t buy into it, don’t allow THEM to get you angry, don’t FOLLOW — LEAD !

Be your own person, make your own decisions- listen and look for the good.

Quiet the noise around you and focus -

The new Game

There is a new Game in business today.

The day day of the mom and pop stores or actually working for a “ person “ is over.
Look around, everything is big , all chain stores or businesses being bought by conglomerates and investors. The biggest problem with that is it changes the whole game and loyalty is a thing of the past.

Welcome to the new world order.

You are a number and no matter how loyal you are the new “ masters” do not care, the new masters only see profit and numbers and how they themselves and keep their own jobs.
Investors have a completely different goal, they want to buy a company and try to work the numbers so they can sell to the next set of investors and so on and so on - the game has changed.

Gone are the days that you know your job is secure as long as you work hard and give a honest days work so how can you plan for a young family? How to you exhale and not worry about tomorrow?

The days of retiring after 40 years at the same work place is over, it is a story that you will tell your grandkids and most likely they will look up at you in wonder and with a questionable face, the same way they will look when you tell them you grew up with no computers or cell phones and people actually looked at each other and held conversations.
While you are at it you can also tell them about the days when you walked to school and your dogs were never on a leash and you sure never picked up there poop and you only had three channels to pick from on TV, you never bought water or paid to put air in your car tires.

You can’t stop progress or technology but you can only hope that we do not lose ourselves in the progress and yes, our kids will be far ahead us us with technology but what did they miss out on?
Pick up games in the neighborhood and staying running home before it got to dark.
Playing games with the family rather then channel surfing, having the whole family home for dinner every night and talking about the day, just doing nothing and sitting on the picnic table in your backyard with your friends and growing up and being proud of where you work and who you work for.

Welcome to the new World order.

Pull the thread

Keep pulling the thread..
it is always about the money.

Poor man wanna be rich,
Rich man wanna be king,
And a king ain't satisfied,
'til he rules everything,

Lyrics by Bruce Springsteen 

Go for it

After 40 plus years in retail and household goods moving I jumped into Theatre , now I am still affiliated with the moving business as the Theatre is a 501(c)3 non profit so I do still need income but the Theatre is my passion as is live music and helping people so when the opportunity came around three years ago to be a partner in a start up little theatre it seemed to make sense.
 Sometimes you just have to follow your heart and have faith, here we are three years later and take a look at the very nice review below that was in the White House Chronicle-
I am still learning and love the idea of being a part of something bigger then myself and that will help people and maybe even put a smile on their faces-


http://whchronicle.com/notebook-theater-as-it-should-be-fish-and-chips-disappearing-in-u-k-plentiful-in-ne-the-myth-of-the-frozen-north/

Oxygen

We only have so much oxygen in a day .. use it to help move things forward and help.
Do not waste your time arguing or being angry or listening to bull shit.

You know when someone is bull shitting you or when they only have their interest at heart so do not waste your oxygen. You should always give everyone a chance, hear them out and speak your mind but if they reveal themselves to be fake or simply do not want to listen to another side then move on.
Always be polite, do not burn any bridges but also do not waste your time..
Time is precious.
In order to learn and move forward you need to use your day and your oxygen properly -
Organize- plan- have goals- and always approach the day on a positive!

What can you do today to help someone?
What can you do to reach your goals ?

Remember- you only have so much oxygen-

A familiar story

I was speaking to a friend this morning at the gym that I belong , he works for the Subaru dealership close to the gym, I asked him how he liked it there and he said , it’s all right I guess.
When I asked him what he did not like about working there he said there seems to be no organization and no one to address how to improve, his boss he said rarely comes out of his office and rarely works a full work week.

His story is repeated by many of my friends in all walks of life and different occupations, from selling cars or insurance or working for a school system or hospital or a moving company , the issues and the stories are all very similar.
Nothing is getting done people.. and we are not producing our best in most cases.

What changed?

My theory is less of our leaders worked their way up the ladder therefore they do not respect the process or the workers and most probably have no idea what goes in to the day to day.
Those at the top care about one main thing- keeping their job and making more money.

Believe it or not I am an optimist , always have been, I like to see the good in everyone. I am not saying these things because I have been wronged or that “ the man “ has screwed me over, I say these things because I also observe those around me and I have seen an erosion of leadership.

An erosion of leadership in all areas, in our politics, in our buisneses and even with young families.

With more one parent families or with both parents working all the time who is laying the foundation for our kids? Day care?

It is all happening right before our eyes and the changes I see are not positive, though I remain an optimist I am concerned how this all gets turned around.

As the people in power grow that only have their best interest at heart how can that buisness grow?

As the middle class struggles to make ends week how can they devote their time to the most important thing that they will ever do in life- raise their kids?

All we can do is stay positive, speak up and try to always SEE the other guy and try to improve your situation, no matter how minor or small.
Don’t just give up and say, oh well that is just how it is-

Be the change- stay positive.

To Do List

What is on your “ To Do List” today ?
No really.. do you have a written list ?
You should write down every day what you need to do that day, and the next day.
By writing it down it will help you remember it and you can refer to it throughout the day to be sure you are on track.
Your goal should be to wrap up your list early if possible or at least start the process on each-
Do not procrastinate!
Your next goal is to have your list mostly done by noon and done by 2:00- giving you time to create a new list for the following day.
Write it down.
During the day something will happen or someone will say something that will give you an idea to possibly act on or look into- write it dow.
Are you trying to improve what you do ?
You should feel like you have reached the end of  improving, especially today- technically changes daily and you need to embrace technology.
What is on your To Do List ?

Smile..damn it

Oh my gosh, stop looking like you are carrying the weight of the world and smile.
People do not want to associate themselves with people that are negative and especially if you work with the public, asmile goes a long way.
Maybe it is part of your master plan .. if you look miserable people will leave you alone..they will.
Or maybe you just do not even know that you look miserable, maybe you have been in a funk so long you just do not realize.
Either way.. snap out of it.
Sure you may have problems and have bills and may not have the perfect job.. join the crowd.
If you smile people will most likely smile back and you will get more accomplished, you sure will feel better about yourself.
Nothing good comes out of living in a shelter and pushing people away.
Smile.. damn it

Expectations

Setting expectations is vital to your success.
If your employees or crews or customers do not know your expectations then shame on you.
It is your responsibility to set expectations and then to follow up and most important to train.
If you do not let the people around you know what you expect and what “they” can expect then how can they reach their goals and how can they measure yours?
The next thing is training to your expectations, once you lay out your expectations you must train and train and train..follow up and be sure that everyone understands the goal and how you can all arrive there.
Expectations can work both ways, as you run through the process expectations of yourself should also evolve, the process should always evolve and change and improve and YOU need to stay in that process.
Set expectations..for your customers, your fellow workers..and YOU.

Be yourself

The good thing about getting older is you hopefully get more comfortable in your own skin and because of that you can just be yourself.
Also getting older a good part of you just doesn’t care about what others may think which also allows us to just be ourselves.
When you are younger a lot of us worry about perception or fitting in or in the work place we may worry about advancement so we may not want to cause waves so because of that we may not speak out which suppresses our true self.
Having to surprise our true inner self we can begin the process of adding weight to our lives and we may even begin to lose a little of ourselves.
Just being ourselves can be liberating, I do not mean being rude or disrespectful or yelling louder, I mean just being ourselves.
Breathe easier - let the weight go- be yourself !

The Killing Stone

I heard a preacher man speaking on the radio
Remember thinking that I'd like to tell him where to go
Go back to that book that you've been waving around
Open it up, and go to that part about
You without sin, pick up that stone
You without sin, pick up that stone
He's turning it over, to the other side
He's turning it over now, ‘cause now you can't hide
All that lies beneath, all the lies beneath
The killing stone, oh
Saw another fella talking on the TV show
Trying to tell me how to live and just how I should vote
He says he believes in the sanctity of life
100,000 died
Tell me are you sanctified 
Now you without sin, pick up that stone
You without sin, pick up that stone
He's turning it over, to the other side
He's turning it over now, ‘cause you can't hide
All that lies beneath, all the lies beneath
The killing stone, oooohhhh
We're all looking for redemption
But is it for our souls
You without sin, pick up that stone
You without sin, pick up that stone
You without sin, pick up that stone
You without sin, pick up that stone
He's turning it over, to the other side
He's turning it over, turning it over now ‘cause you can't hide
All that lies beneath, all the lies beneath 
You can't hide beneath
The killing stone, oh, oh, oh
Killing stone
Oh no, you're down on
(The killing stone)
Stone, stone, oh
(The killing stone)
Stone

Actions

Actions speak louder than words.
Do not be fooled by those that talk circles around you ..look at their actions.
People show you who they are every day, you just may choose to look the other way. How do they talk to you? Do they talk down to you? Have you been in the same room when they dress somebody else down or treat others with little respect?
Understand this, if they are talking to you about someone else in a negative fashion or they are helping to spread negative gossip then understand that they will do the same about you when you are not in the room or already have.
What do their actions say?
Do they treat those with less with respect ?
Do they sincerely care about the well being of the unfortunate?
Make up your own mind, don’t run with the pack or be a sheep. If a person blows you off or looks past you they probably do not have your best interest at heart. You can learn a lot about a person when you are one on one with them, pay attention.
Do they follow up with what is promised or do they blame others and look for excuses? Or worse just plain forget your conversation or twist the words around when you remind them?
What do their actions say?
What do YOUR actions say ?

Listen

Want to learn ? .. listen..
Want to understand the situation? ..listen..
Listen and ask questions, if you think you have reached a point in life where you know everything then don’t worry , just carry on in your bubble.
We never stop learning and most of the time our lessons may come from unexpected places or people.
Observe.
Take the time to observe those around you and take a good look around, you may see or hear something that has been right in front you all along but you never even looked up.
In the work place we learn more from the real workers not the ones holding the titles, do you want to know how to improve? Ask them.
I have been in many a board meeting where the VP’s are making pivotal decisions and they have no clue as to what really goes into the work, rather clerical or the actual labor they never worked their way up the ladder so they do not know. Not working your way up is one thing but they then do not even take the time to observe or ask..amazing. Then they past judgement or worse just decide at the wave of a pen to lay someone off not even knowing what the hell they really do.
Here’s the thing..they are doomed to fail..but the collateral damage would have been done.
As the gap widens from the top and the real workers and people are placed in leadership positions that do not earn them this will continue,unfortunately.
If you are in a position of power, please take the time to observe and ask and empower your fellow employees- you will better off for it.

Wanting what you got

The goal is not getting what you want..but wanting what you got.
When is enough - enough ?
Are you working longer hours to pay for your new car and new toys ?
Are you missing family time because you need to work more to make more money to buy more stuff?
At the end of the road will you be able to look back and know you have those precious moments with loved ones because you put THEM first.
We all have to work to pay the bills but do not lose sight of life along the way and enjoying each day and being involved in the lives of our loved ones.
You can work your hands to the bone and be the most loyal employee but at the end of your day your job cannot love you, we are all replaceable.
Prioritize.
Want what you got...and be appreciative.

Succeed

To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch , or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life breathed easier because you lived. This is to have succeeded.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Why do little girls..

Why did the little girls grow crooked
While the little boys grow tall
The boys were taught to tumble
The girls told not to fall
The girls answered the telephone
The boys answered the call
why little girls grew crooked
While the little boys grew tall

Why did the little girls grow crippled
While the little boys grow strong
The boys allowed to come of age
The girls just came along
The girls were told sing harmonies
The boys could all sing songs
That's why little girls grew crippled
While little boys grew strong

Why did the little girls come broken
While the little boys came whole
The little boys were set aflame
The girls told to fan the coals
The boys all told to be themselves
While the girls were told play the roles
That's why little girls came broken
While little boys came whole

Why were the little girls all frightened
To be just what they are
The boys were told to ask themselves
How high how far
The girls were told to reach the shelves
While the boys were reaching stars
That's why little girls were frightened
To be just what they are

And still they bled for us all
As the moon rode the sky
They carried our seed
When our need ran high
They fed all our children
In the night as they cried
Womankind wept
As mankind died

Why were the little girls left hurtin'
When all the boys were done
And the girls left in the moonlight
When the boys went to meet the sun
And when the girls were open
Why had the little all won?
That's why little girls were hurtin'
When the little boys were done
Why did the little girls grow crooked
While the little boys grew tall
It's maybe because the little boys
Didn't ever have to grow up at all

Lyrics by Harry Chapin

Trust

If it quacks like a duck, and walks like a duck and looks like a duck..
It is probably a duck.
Who do you trust?
Trust is pivotal to success, and who you trust is very important. Remember their are those that mostly have their best interest at heart and will “say” whatever they need to to prop themselves up.
If those around you are constantly pointing the blame to others are always making excuses , you need to look beyond their words. Be careful who you trust and trust few.
Actions always speak louder than words.
Those that refuse to take responsibility are not people that you can follow , they either are not true leaders or are above their heads , either way they are the type people that will say whatever to whoever to stay in power- be very careful.
If your radar or gut are telling you something- Listen. Trust yourself, trust your gut. Remember if it quacks like a duck..it probably is.
Access your situation and hitch your wagon to those that truly care about YOU and that you can trust!

Insecurities

One of the main ingredients into why people do what they do is insecurities.
We get defensive or angry or protective.
Many of our insecurities may come from our upbringing, some of them may be because we simplify do not fully believe in ourselves.
Maybe we are worried about bills and money or being stabbed in the back at work.
All can truly block our true potential, when we use our energy in the world of being insecure we hold we waste a lot of time. In order to do our best we will mess up, make mistakes and maybe not always conduct ourselves in the best of ways..it happens.
When we worry more about making mistakes or what others may think or say we never reach our true potential..let it go...let them go.
This sounds easy but our insecurities may run deep but try to recognize them and understand we all of them so don’t beat yourself up or think less of yourself.
You are no better then anyone else and NO one is better then you.
Just do your best.
We all only have so much time and so much oxygen in a day.. use it positively.
Life...live it.

TEAM

Ever been part of a winning TEAM ?
Maybe a sports team or a team that you may have worked with ?
It is a great feeling !
When you stop making it all about YOU and you have people around you that take on the same attitude then you can do some really great things.
You will not only accomplish more you will feel good doing it.
Working WITH others is so much better then trying to go it alone, for one someone will be there when you fall to help recover and two you will learn so much more.
Be a part of something bigger then you, - say “ we” rather than “I” and LIVE it.
Be respectful of your team and listen to their opinions, Never point the finger and never publicly dress down a TEAM member- be supportive.
Create and be a part of a true TEAM, I guarantee you that you will grown and smile and succeed.

Standing in the Breach

Lyrics by Jackson Browne..


And though the earth may tremble and our foundations crack
We will all assemble and we will build them back
And rush to save the lives remaining still within our reach
And try to put our world together standing in the breach

So many live in poverty while others live as kings
Though some may find peace
In the acceptance of all that living brings
I will never understand however they've prepared
How one life may be struck down and another life be spared

And though the earth may tremble and cast our works aside
And though our efforts resemble the fluctuating tide
We rise and fall with the trust and belief
That love redeems us each
And bend our backs and hearts together standing in the breach

You don't know why it's such a far cry
From the world this world could be
You don't know why but you still try
For the world you wish to see
You don't know how it will happen now
After all that's come undone
But you know the change the world needs now
Is there, in everyone

The unpaid debts of history
The open wounds of time
The laws of human nature always tugging from behind
I want to think that the earth can heal
And that people might still learn
How to meet this world's true challenges
And that the course we're on could turn

And though the earth may tremble and the oceans pitch and rise
We will all assemble and we will lift our eyes
To the tasks that we know lie before us
And the power our prayers beseech
And cast our souls into the heavens, standing in the breach

You don't know why it's such a far cry
From the world this world could be
You don't know why but you still try
For the world you wish to see
You don't know how it's going to happen now
After all that's come undone
And you know the world you're waiting for may not come
No it may not come
But you know the change the world needs now
Is there, in everyone

Karma

Do you believe in karma ?
I sure do !
I absolutely believe that you get what you give in life.
You can fool some of the people some of time but sooner or later it will catch up to you.
It is pretty simple, treat people with respect and how you want to be treated and you will see it returned.
It is human nature to get angry or to want revenge but it is all negative energy- don't bother.
You do not need to get revenge because it will happen on its own- karma baby.
You only have so much time here on Earth , you only have so much oxygen in a day.. do not waste a day.. do not use your energy trying to avenge or hate.
Be positive.. that too will come back to you.
KARMA

Money and Power

What dictates decisions in your work organizations?
Money and Power are on the top of the list.
Profitability is on the list but individual money and Power is the main struggles in a work organization. Generations ago there were more mom and pop buisneses so the " power" chart was really non existent but today everything is chain stores and huge conglomerates and the top of the organization chart fight for more more power and more money. Because most of the people with the titles making the " big money " are mostly worried about their own paycheck they start to eat their own, another words the top brass start the little clicks amongst themselves to survive, as in one of John Lennon's lines in his song - A Working Class. here- " first you need to learn to smile as you kill".
When I started at Arpin in 1985 I had left Honeywell, Honeywell treated me very good but they were huge, their main office was in Minneapolis and I worked in East Providence RI and was number 46892 ( I ado not remember my exact employee #) and as a young man just starting a family I wanted to work for a company that knew ME and not just be " a number " because at the end of the day if decisions were going to be made on who to keep or promote I wanted the owner to know ME and my work ethic.
It was the correct decision, Paul Arpin and David Arpin got to know me and respected my work and I stayed there for 35 years and helped it grow from a 7 million dollar buisness to over a 200 million dollar buisness. Through the years of growth I watched as it grow and it went from no HR, no titiles other than Paul, David and Peter , no committees, to dozens of titles and structures and committees and in that change is inevitable. It was good because I was able to witness first hand how buisness can change and sometimes bigger is not always better.
As more titles came to be the more people rose to power that may not have had Paul and David's goals or philosophies and so started the fight not for the main goal but for individual power and money.
It did not happen overnight but I witnessed first hand and observed how when people are put in power positions that only start to worry about their own buisness life and lose sight of the people that actually do the work , the hard work every day.
Because we all now live in the world of huge conglomerates and businesses this is a way of life for many, our hope is that the people at the top of organization chart earn their spot and appreciate not what only got them there but who really does the heavy lifting every day.

This goes for your government too.



(It is important to note that this blog piece is not directed toward anyone or any particular buisness, in all of my jobs and places I worked I met and worked with many many very fine individuals and learned from them along the way. I am only writing my observations along the way.)