Thursday, December 31, 2015

The Problem With Reactive Management

The Problem With Reactive Management

Firefighting is sometimes essential during a rush, or as part of a short period of change. However, it can have serious implications when it becomes the norm.

First, reactive teams are likely to deliver lower quality work. You may be able to fight fires successfully most of the time, but you will sometimes fail – in a way that you wouldn't if you were more proactive.

It's also likely that you'll need to shift your team members from one task to another, or ask them to deal with constantly changing information. This is inefficient, it can leave them frustrated, and they may start to look for more satisfying opportunities outside your team.

Your individual performance will fall, too. It's hard to find the root causes of problems when you have to focus urgently on symptoms. Plus, you're less likely to spot the strategic opportunities that proactive managers exploit, because you don't have the time and mind space to see them.

Reactive management is also stressful. When you deal with one crisis after another, you don't have time to unwind. You may be able to cope with this pressure, but your team members may be less resilient.

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Reactive

What is Reactive Management?

Reactive management refers to a situation in which you can't – or don't – plan ahead for problems or opportunities. Instead, you react to them as they happen.

As a result, you're always a step behind. You don't have time to look ahead to pre-empt problems, so they seem to happen "out of the blue."

In contrast, proactive management happens when you plan ahead to avoid or manage problems

Why Reactive Management Happens

You might be in a reactive state for several reasons. For example:
  • A crisis may have forced you to change or abandon your plans. You need to make short-term decisions to cope with a fast-developing situation.
  • Your organization may have poorly planned processes or policies. You need to spend your time fixing these or working around them, instead of planning for the future.
  • You may find a reactive management style exciting. People can enjoy the "buzz" that goes along with it.

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

QUIET YOUR MIND

Quiet Your Mind
 
I hear the waves
Sun beatin' down on my shoulders
It's a near-perfect day
Wishin' I wouldn't get any older
They say that it's gone 'fore you know it now
Quiet your mind

Soak it all in
It's a game you can't win
Enjoy the ride
I feel the change
Goin' on all around me
It's strange
How I'm taken and guided
Where I end up right where I'm needed to be
 

A red sun is risin'
And the stars are all goin' away
And if you're too busy talkin'
You're not busy listenin'
To hear what the land has to say
 
Quiet your mind

They say that it's gone 'fore you know it and
Soak it all in
 
 

Sunday, December 27, 2015

Be a Leader

Some tips to being a good Leader/Boss


Think two generations down the road, not one.
Instill a passion to develop other leaders in all leaders. Self-interest and self-importance prevent leaders from developing leaders.

Don’t waste time with people who don’t care.
When you see an ember in others, fan it. People need encouragement more than criticism.
Help others assess their own learning. “How are you becoming a leader who develops leaders?”
Stop making systems that depend on you.
Navigate tensions between protecting what you have and building the future. Protection closes up.
Building opens up. Success requires both.
Don’t be so damn helpful. Let others struggle and succeed.
Embrace imperfection. Others won’t do things the “right” way.
Practice coaching. Give less advice.

Saturday, December 26, 2015

More Fun Facts


25. The unicorn is the national animal of Scotland.
26. A strawberry isn't a berry but a banana is.
27. So are avocados and watermelon.
28. New York City is further south than Rome, Italy.
29. North Korea and Finland are separated by one country.

30. Mammoths went extinct 1,000 years after the Egyptians finished building the Great Pyramid.
31. There are more fake flamingos in the world than real flamingos.
32. Nintendo was founded as a trading card company back in 1889.
33. The man who voiced Fry on Futurama, Billy West, also voiced Doug on Doug.

34. The last time the Chicago Cubs won the baseball World Series, the Ottoman Empire still existed.
35. And lollipops had not yet been invented.
36. And women did not have the right to vote in the United States.

37. If you shrunk the sun down to the size of a white blood cell and shrunk the Milky Way Galaxy down using the same scale, it would be the size of the continental United States.
38. John Tyler, the 10th president of the United States, has a grandson who's alive today.

39. Will Smith is now older than Uncle Phil was at the beginning of The Fresh Prince.
40. The show the The Wonder Years aired from 1988–1993 and covered the years 1968–1973. Today, in 2014, if one were to make a similar show, it would cover the years 1994–1999.
41. Humans share 50% of their DNA with bananas.
42. Duck Hunt is a two-player game. Player two controls the ducks.
43. The difference in time between when Tyrannosaurus Rex and Stegosaurus lived is greater than the difference in time between Tyrannosaurus Rex and now.
44. One more fact about the Cubs: The last time they won the world series, Alaska, Arizona, Hawaii, and New Mexico were not yet states.
45. Speaking of Alaska — it's simultaneously the most northern, the most western, and the most eastern state in the U.S.
46. Pluto never made a full orbit around the sun from the time it was discovered to when it was declassified as a planet.
47. A thousand seconds is about 16 minutes.
48. A million seconds is about 11 days.
49. A billion seconds is about 32 years.
50. And one trillion seconds is about 32,000 years. A trillion is a lot.

Friday, December 25, 2015

Merry Christmas



You know, of course, that Christmas isn’t about trees and gifts. But it’s important to reinforce it in your own mind. Those things are nice, as far as they go. But they’ll never lead you to a place of true joy in Jesus’ love at this holy time. To get there, realize that you have to go deeper


In the Gospel of Luke, John the Baptist sends his disciples to Jesus to ask, “Are you the one who is to come, or should we expect someone else?” And Jesus replies, “The blind receive sight, the lame walk, people with leprosy are healed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is proclaimed to the poor.” Jesus is telling us that one way to follow Him is to care for the sick and suffering.


Merry Christmas to all- may God bless you and your family

It's a Wonderful Life


Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Christmas Eve

Christmas eve was always my mother's favorite night and holiday.

We did not have much money growing up and I usually only had stuff bought for me two times a year, my birthday and Christmas.

For my birthday I would get a modest toy or two but Christmas Eve was the one time that my mom would tell my dad to back off, she was going to treat her kids to presents. Later in her life that tradition continued with her grandchildren.

We would all sit in the living room and she would stack these piles of presents in front of each us, mind you mostly shirts and pants and socks but when we were small we got our share of Tonka trucks ( well at least I did, I had two sisters ) and other toys.

 On Christmas my mom's sister lived near by so my mom would keep all our gifts in her garage and wait till we went to sleep and walk them all over - you know the ones from Santa.

But Christmas eve was her night, she would start decorating her house right after Thanksgiving and start making her famous fudge for Christmas Eve, the big deal was being able to sneak a few pieces before that big night. She made the best fudge.
It was the one night the family would all be sure to get together, we would all bring a little something to eat so it was like a pot luck dinner.
Christmas music would be playing and there were people in every room talking and laughing and catching up.

She smiled the whole night!

My mom loved giving and she loved to see her family all together and laughing. She never asked for anything and worked three jobs most of her life and in her later years she took care of my dad as his health started to fail, and she NEVER EVER complained.

If there is a pearly gate I can guarantee you St Peter let her right in.

Merry Christmas mom


GIVE

"Give out of love, not obligation.
Give when it’s least expected.
Give without strings attached.
Give from your heart.
Give of yourself.
Give to show you care.
Give help without causing helplessness.
Give something that takes personal sacrifice.
Give to make a difference.
Give for no reason at all.
 Give a little if you can’t give a lot.
 Give without attracting attention to yourself.
Give without being asked.
Give of your experience.
Give to those who need it most.”

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Some Fun Facts


1. If you put your finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds just like Pac-Man.
2. The YKK on your zipper stands for "Yoshida Kogyo Kabushikigaisha."
3. Maine is the closest U.S. state to Africa.
4. Anne Frank, Martin Luther King Jr., and Barbara Walters were born in the same year, 1929.
5. The name Jessica was created by Shakespeare in the play Merchant of Venice.
8. Cleopatra lived closer to the invention of the iPhone than she did to the building of the Great Pyramid.
9. Russia has a larger surface area than Pluto.
10. Saudi Arabia imports camels from Australia.
11. Hippo milk is pink.

12. The toy Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
13. Woody from Toy Story has a full name too — it's Woody Pride.
14. And while we're at it, Mr. Clean's full name is Veritably Clean.
15. Oh, and Cookie Monster's real name is Sid.
16. Carrots were originally purple.
17. The heart of a blue whale is so big, a human can swim through the arteries.

18. Vending machines are twice as likely to kill you than a shark is.
19. Home Alone was released closer to the moon landing than it was to today.
20. Oxford University is older than the Aztec Empire.
21. Not once in the Humpty Dumpty nursery rhyme does it mention that he's an egg.
22. France was still executing people with a guillotine when the first Star Wars film came out.
23. Armadillos nearly always give birth to identical quadruplets.
24. Betty White is actually older than sliced bread.


25. The unicorn is the national animal of Scotland.
26. A strawberry isn't a berry but a banana is.
27. So are avocados and watermelon.
28. New York City is further south than Rome, Italy.
29. North Korea and Finland are separated by one country.

30. Mammoths went extinct 1,000 years after the Egyptians finished building the Great Pyramid.
31. There are more fake flamingos in the world than real flamingos.
32. Nintendo was founded as a trading card company back in 1889.
33. The man who voiced Fry on Futurama, Billy West, also voiced Doug on Doug.

34. The last time the Chicago Cubs won the baseball World Series, the Ottoman Empire still existed.
35. And lollipops had not yet been invented.
36. And women did not have the right to vote in the United States.

37. If you shrunk the sun down to the size of a white blood cell and shrunk the Milky Way Galaxy down using the same scale, it would be the size of the continental United States.
38. John Tyler, the 10th president of the United States, has a grandson who's alive today.

39. Will Smith is now older than Uncle Phil was at the beginning of The Fresh Prince.
40. The show the The Wonder Years aired from 1988–1993 and covered the years 1968–1973. Today, in 2014, if one were to make a similar show, it would cover the years 1994–1999.
41. Humans share 50% of their DNA with bananas.
42. Duck Hunt is a two-player game. Player two controls the ducks.
43. The difference in time between when Tyrannosaurus Rex and Stegosaurus lived is greater than the difference in time between Tyrannosaurus Rex and now.
44. One more fact about the Cubs: The last time they won the world series, Alaska, Arizona, Hawaii, and New Mexico were not yet states.
45. Speaking of Alaska — it's simultaneously the most northern, the most western, and the most eastern state in the U.S.
46. Pluto never made a full orbit around the sun from the time it was discovered to when it was declassified as a planet.
47. A thousand seconds is about 16 minutes.
48. A million seconds is about 11 days.
49. A billion seconds is about 32 years.
50. And one trillion seconds is about 32,000 years. A trillion is a lot.

Monday, December 21, 2015

EMBRACE TECHNOLOGY!


“And below is from fellow Arpin driver ..

I just got an over length citation in MT. The DOT officer ask me to get the word out because they have been hitting alot of drivers recently. If you have to tailgate through the state of MT you must purchase an over length permit before entering the state. Cost of permit is $10 per trip, or $85 for the entire year. If not purchased before entering the state it is an $85 fine plus cost of permit. This is good information to add into your morning email with fuel discount info.”

 

The age of getting information is here.

The age of sending information is HERE!

 

I got this in an Email this morning and it hit me, just how important any information, that saves me money is. Think about it , social media, texts, our IPAD , and cell phones have made our job so much easier and more profitable. Why is it some folks still shy away from the future? We all need to stay up with the news within our industry, and information/communication is the answer.

 

Anybody else remember calling dispatch, leaving the pay phone number you were at and waiting for a call? Anybody else remember, waiting 3 months before you got home, to read the news sent to you by your company in the mail???

 

This should be a rant about getting up to date with the Mobile Mover product, but, I think it's more about staying away from technology...Getting the newspaper to check the weather, when you can get live weather feeds on your IPAD. Or how about going to the webcams available and looking at a live feed of what Elk Mountain, and the roads right there, look like? ANYTHING you need, you can find....

 

EMBRACE TECHNOLOGY!

Sunday, December 20, 2015

More on simplifying Leadership

6. Stop worrying about your mistakes. The best leaders know that mistakes are here to bring us great wisdom. If you can look back at the mistakes you’ve made—a month ago, a year ago, five years ago—can you see the lessons you’ve learned? Did you really need to worry about them?

 7. Take great care of your health. Get fit. It doesn’t matter what you do, but do it. Get into the best shape of your life. Self-neglect complicates every aspect of your life. You need to be sound in mind, body and soul to lead from your best self. Simplify first by getting a physical to make sure your health is in order, then making any needed changes to your diet, activity level, and sleep habits.

 8. Look at your inner circle. . Don’t let the people you spend time with become a source of complication. Relationships that take up too much of your energy need to be ended—or, if it’s someone you must be around—minimized as much as possible. Simplify by spending time with people you admire; make your inner circle smart, driven and like-minded.

 9. Kick bad habits.. If there is a habit that is complicating your leadership or your life, simplify by resolving to change it. On average it takes about 30 days to change a negative habit into a positive one, but the benefits will last a lifetime. Don’t allow a bad habit to compromise your potential.

 10. Make time for what’s important.. A state of being busy but unproductive is a common source of complication. Simplify by knowing what is most important and making those items a priority. Simplify your to-do list to make time for things that are truly important. One of the powerful things you can do is examine all aspects of your leadership and ask yourself if your attitudes and actions are simplifying or complicating your leadership. If the answer is “complicating,” do everything you can to reverse it. -

Saturday, December 19, 2015

Tis the Season

Tis the Season..

For Stress and debt..

It was not intended for that but our media and marketing and stores all have convinced everyone that the holidays and Christmas is all about buying stuff.
If you want to show your wife or kids or husband that you love them you best buy buy buy.

What is nuts is we all fall right in line, or in this case go wait in lines.

Stop the craziness... if you want to show your loved ones that you love them- show them by hugging them, by spending time with them and actually listening to them.

Here's one- try shutting off the TV and computer and play a game or just talk.

The holidays should not be about stress and debt - but WE make it that way.

Love is not about outdoing what your neighbor has or buying a new car that you cannot afford.

Love is simple, or at least it should be.

Friday, December 18, 2015

What's Ahead?

To avoid accidents and to be a safe driver, either in a passenger car or if you own a class A or a class B , you need to look ahead on the road.
You always need to be aware of your surroundings and what is not only in front of you but what it looks like 2-3 cars ahead of that, as well as each side of you.

The same applies in the workplace, to be successful you must always be aware and looking ahead, anticipating what is ahead and what may happen.

Your job begins as soon as you are handed a assignment.
How you prepare from that point will determine if you succeed or not or if you are able to avoid a accident or any bumps in the road that may occur.

Ask questions- - call all the parties involved, look over the documentations.
 Be sure that you have what is need, do you have all the proper documents and materials needed?

Take the same approach to your job as you do your driving-

LOOK AHEAD- BE AWARE

Thursday, December 17, 2015

Sometimes it takes time..

Just do and say what is right and the rest will follow.

Sometimes it takes time but if you do the right thing it WILL reap benefits.

Recently I had a past driver say some positive things about conversations that I had with him years ago. They were tough conversations but honest, I truly wanted to help him and sometimes people need someone that can cut through the muck and just tell them the truth.
He would listen and say I was right but sooner or later he returned back to form and we would eventually have the same conversation again.
I always felt that he meant well and I knew deep down he was a good guy and did a great job, he simply allowed the " other guy disease " to take over at times. Many people suffer from this, it is when you care more about what the " other guy " is doing then just worrying about yourself and how you can be a better person, employee or driver.

Well fast forward and years later he thanked me for those many talks and he sounds like he now gets it. I use to tell him that he knows how to turn on the charm because customers loved him but he would treat others kinda rough, so I told him to just treat everybody as if they were your customer and he would be successful and have a more productive life overall.  And years later you threw those same words back at me and said he now gets it.

Pretty cool.

Like I said sometimes it takes time...just know in your heart that you are doing good and saying the right thing and genuinely wanting to help and remove the noise of negativity and you can make a difference.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Simplify your Leadership

1. Don’t try to read minds. Simplify your leadership by learning to communicate. Learn how to ask questions and listen to the answers. Some of the biggest and most unnecessary complications come from a lack of communication and understanding.

 2. Keep your word. Complications occur when people don’t say what they mean or mean what they say. Simplify by living and leading with honesty, accountability and responsibility. Keep your promises and remember that what you say matters because people are listening.

 3. Life is too short to waste time being cranky. Simplify by being mindful of your attitude. There will always be a lot of things you can’t control, but every situation comes with a choice of how you will respond—and your leadership is created in the way you choose your attitude. You can be cranky or you can be confident.

 4. Forgive everyone, especially yourself. Few things are as complicating as anger. Simplify by reminding yourself to simply—as the song says—let it go! Feelings of hurt and resentment are worthless and can only drag you down. When you can find the courage to forgive and move on, it’s incredibly liberating. Always be the first to forgive—especially when it comes to forgiving yourself.

5. Don’t try to please everyone.. Trying to make everyone happy isn’t just complicated but impossible. This one’s easy to simplify: Just do what is right and treat people as you would like to be treated. Beyond that, don’t fret over what people think of you and your actions.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Listen to that small voice

Listen to that small voice..

The voice that said, “Don’t do it—this person does not have your back.” The voice that said, “If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.” The voice that said, “Stop. Look again. Slow down.” The voice that got buried under the excitement of the moment, the time constraints, the unbridled passion and enthusiasm for an idea, and the clutter of countless daily tasks.

The voice of intuition that registered the tiny red flags in an otherwise perfect scenario. The voice of the “gut” that detected a pattern it had experienced before, even if the brilliant brain in our head didn’t. In every single case, stopping the action to avoid what would ultimately be a major life regret would have involved disappointing others, disturbing a well-laid plan—generally upsetting the apple cart.

Listen..

Monday, December 14, 2015

Numbers

From Ex Road Driver and present employee..Skip..
NUMBERS

And what they mean to Obama care....I've had a great adventure, going from a contractor to an employee, but, I'm getting way ahead of myself...

It all started when I got older, my health insurance kept going up, and, I had to reduce my coverage and increase my deductible, to try and keep a minimal coverage...The last one had a $15,000 deductible, and covered nothing until that point, called catastrophic health...For $700 a month.....Let me break in at that point and inject a story:

My wife and I were walking through downtown Phoenix City, Alabama, one evening after hours, everything was closed. We happened upon a shoe store, and, in the window, was a pair of shoe’s in her size...She said "they sure would look good on me” so I picked up a brick, threw it through the window, and she has a new pair of shoe’s....The next store was for clothes and had a mannequin in the window with a dress her size. She said” That dress sure would look good on me”, another brick,  she has a new dress.....The next store had another mannequin in it, this one with a mink coat on it....”Dang, that sure would look good on me”. At that point I turned around and looked at her and said ”WHAT DO YOU THINK I’M MADE OF.....BRICKS?’'.

So there I was, barely able to cover a policy that does not cover(Oxymoron at the highest level),and Obama care came out....Politically I'm a centrist, liberal about some things and conservative about others. So,I made the calls and qualified for a GREAT policy(with a healthy subsidy) I had not seen help like that for 30 years...The main part, My corporation sets my salary and I control those numbers, so I fell into something (with help)that I could afford...The last two years have been great....THEN,I put it down and became an employee(Of the greatest company ever),so all the rules changed...


I was informed by HR, that I needed to bail on Obama care or there may be fines for next year(Thank you Renee)and proceeded to talk to Healthcare.gov 6 times...The funny part is, I got hung up on, had folks who did not hardly speak English, explained that I could keep the policy(2 times)with no fine, and then finally got someone yesterday that understood the questions....Good things come when you ask the right questions. I'll draw a correlation to our owner Ops here in a minute, Obama care can help.
For now, let me stick with the numbers story....It, appears, I can keep that policy, but, if, there's a policy available for less than 9.5% of my income(and my income with business losses of the past, showed me back to my contractor status)I could still keep that policy.....Only problem there is, Obama care subsidies are based on GROSS income, before any deductions are made....So now, I'm in a spot, comparing the company policy, for me and my wife, with Obama care...It seems for income purposes, and her not being included in our company policy, we can still get help.....But, even with the help, it would be $700 plus for her coverage.....With the company stuff it's $600+,for slightly less coverage...Either is still way more that the 9.5% Obama care is supposed to cover....My thought are, as owner ops, even with income up to $60-70,000,taxable,there is still a subsidy available, got on the healthcare.gov site and call them...they will help.....

Friday, December 11, 2015

Accountability

Accountability is a shared thing between two or more people.

It’s not a one-way thing. The dynamic accompanying accountability changes dramatically if accountability goes both ways. The problem, of course, is that usually that’s not how it’s orchestrated. Typically, the one with the most positional power calls the “subordinate” into his/her larger, more luxurious office, where he/she then — and this is the phrase — “holds the ‘subordinate’ accountable.” That conversation is generally pretty one-sided, save for perhaps a couple patronizing questions.
That, my friends, is not accountability. That’s an assertion of power. A scolding. A corrective conversation. But it’s not what accountability should look like.
Accountability should be a shared thing. It’s two or more people holding each other accountable to agreed upon and committed to group goals and expectations. As it relates to a team, it’s the entire team, including the leader, holding each other accountable.

Thursday, December 10, 2015

I am going to change the world

When you are in your teens ( or at least when I was ) you think the world revolves around you.
You very rarely think of what others are doing elsewhere never mind the politics of the world.

Then in your mid twenties ( once again I am speaking from my experience ) you start to see a bit more.
I once read that baby kittens do not begin to open their eyes for six weeks after birth. Men generally take about 26 years. - That was certainly me.

Then you start to strip away that naivety of the world and of people. In some respects you want to change the world and all the " bad " and then you realize that you can certainly change things but it takes time.

As you get older you realize ( I realize ) that you can make changes and help others one person at a time and if you do not allow your failures to stop you or slow you down.
When they say all politics is local that means that you need to look at your neighborhoods and your community and help where you can- one person or one project at a time.

You also realize that it always comes back to you..ten fold.
It grows and festers and blossoms. You help someone who helps someone who help someone else.
Before you know it there is a buzz and people wanting to get involved.
It is pretty cool to watch and to be a part of.

There is a song that says " I may not change the world, but the world will not change me ".
It is easy to get negative and pessimistic..do not allow it, do not let the world change you or those crazy naïve ideas that you once may have had.

People ARE good , they all have their own stories and some may harden up because of things done to them in the past but overall they all good and want to do good.

Be a part of something bigger than yourself  and allow yourself the rewards that come with it.

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Commitment

Commitment..

In April I celebrated 30 years at Arpin Van Lines and in January I will celebrate 35 years of marriage.

Commitment.

I always speak of relationships and how work relationships are very similar to your personal relationships.
In order to have been at the same workplace for over 30 years and a marriage of 35 it takes work---you WILL have some bumps in the road.

In my marriage I must confess that most of the bumps are mine and caused by me but my wife has been wise enough to allow me to work through them. In times that over react, or do not react, she gives me the time to work it out within my own head. If given time I can reflect and ask myself
" Why "- why did I react the way I did.
 It may force me to search my subconscious for things that may have occurred in my childhood or past relationships to make me react the way I do .
Either way I normally come up with the conclusion that I could have done it better or said it better or reacted differently.
In the end MY WIFE makes me a better person for that -and I have grown.

In the workplace it is very similar, I have worked with many different personalities both at the home office and outside the office with all types of people and personalities.
 Again I have put in many situations and sometimes due to stress I may have , actually I know I have, overreacted with anger.
 I learned quick that I needed to evaluate my reactions and if and when I was in the wrong it helped to admit it.
I learned from them and I have made life long friends because of it and I again became better for it.
I am thankful that Arpin gave the opportunity to that.

 Commitment is essential to growth , personal growth.
 And having the right partners in life is also essential.
 In this holiday season take the time to reflect on your relationships and how you may be able to learn from them.

 Life is all about lessons and commitments.


Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Anger

Anger sells.

For whatever reason people follow people that yell or always point out what is wrong.
Most times if you look behind the curtain the person normally doing the rubble raising have issues of their own.
Fact is, if you talk softly and respect others you probably will not get heard.
Rather then stirring the pot if people took more time to appreciate what they have and to try to better what they do they may find more happiness.
It does not take a brain surgeon to figure out if you angry all day something is wrong- you need to look at yourself and ask what it is YOU need to do to be happy.

And understand that there will always be struggles, there will always be people that will work against you and bad things will happen. Come to terms with that first, then move forward.

Stop trying to bang the drum and gather a following- be a leader.
Worry about you and your family and stop the noise and buying into the anger.
It will just flat out wear you down.

In the 30 plus years I have been with Arpin I know a lot of the back stories of employees, agents and drivers but I keep them to myself for the most part- the bad stories at least. I hear and have read all kind of accusations through the years. I watch as people come here with there pockets inside out and are given an opportunity. Some of them prosper and make a career here - others have personal issues or financial issues that get in the way-  They start to spiral and point fingers rather then address the problem. Some of them I consider friends  but some still never come to terms with their demons.


Arpin is far from perfect BUT they give people opportunities and what people do with them from there is up to them.

Yes- anger sells but in the end all you are and will be - is angry.

Monday, December 7, 2015

Success

Get organized


Get organized.
 
 Disorganization can make you "crazy". Always losing things, working from a messy desk and feeling bad about your messy house will take its toll on your sanity. Spend at least one day a month simply organizing your life. Or the next time you can't find something, instead of wasting time feeling frustrated and looking everywhere for it, just start cleaning and organizing your space. You'll probably spend about the same amount of time clearing up as you would have wasted searching for the lost item. And you'll almost always find the lost item in the process.

Remember, all change begin with awareness of what it is you want to change. When you decide what it is you want to change, or the new habit you want to add in, start small. Make one change at a time and practice it for weeks, if not months, before adding in additional layers of change. That way, you will ensure your eventual success. And even if you experience a setback, remember that setbacks are a part of the process. Get right back on that bucking horse named CHANGE and keep riding her until you reach the finish line where you will not be the least bit tempted to go back to your old ways.

Sunday, December 6, 2015

One Step at a Time

So you want to lose some weight, or you want to start eating better or doing more exercise.. you can do what ever you want to do..just take one step at a time.
Be consistent and do not go backwards.

They say that if you can stick to a plan for 30 days it will start to become habit. Writing things down can help, X out each day on a calendar for 30 days.

Stop saying you can't.

Do not publicize it or brag or tell your friends that you are trying something.. just do it.
You have to want change.

Do you want to do better- be a better person- then start today.
If you feel better about yourself you start to look at others differently. Without even knowing it we push a lot of our dislike about ourselves onto others. We are angry with ourselves so we take it out on others and push the blame.

30 days- that what it takes to feel better and start a culture change with yourself.

Forget about what others think or say, do it because YOU want to do it.

One step and one day at a time.

Friday, December 4, 2015

Too Much Pride

"Too Much Pride"

Common as dirt; as old as sin
The road to ruin, again and again
Oh, how many dreams have bloomed and died
Too much pride

How many heavens are hopelessly lost?
How many tender loves has vanity cost?
Lord, help the soul that can't be satisfied
Too much pride

You don't have to be right all the time
You can't go on with all of these axes to grind

So, why don't you lighten up and let it ride
Too much pride

Empires rise and empires fall
Stick around here long enough, you'll see it all
Now it looks like it's gone nationwide
Too much pride

Some people tell you it's a good thing
Some people tell you it's a sin
Just like a weed in the garden
You're askin' for trouble if you let it in

Now, it looks like it's gone nationwide
Too much pride
It's the oldest form of suicide
Too much pride

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrHVIL7kERc

By Don Henley
 
 

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Sacrifice

Sacrifice

In my 30 plus years here at Arpin I have had the pleasure of knowing and befriending a lot of people.
Drivers and agent owners from all over the country,  along with fellow employees here at the home office in R.I. and in other States.
And once I realized that I was not the center of the universe I began to SEE the people and know their stories.

When I started I was in my mid twenties and like most 20 year olds I thought I knew it all and that I was the best. I suppose that may be a good gene to have in some respects, it did allow me to venture into things I knew nothing about with the confidence that I could learn it and conquer it.
But my real growth came when I realized that there were a whole lot people that work hard and try and sacrifice every day.
I do not know that exact day or year that happened- but one of my eye opening experiences came when we had to form a committee to review what each department did in the home office in order to develop a library and scanning procedure for each folder and customer. I worked in operations at the time and I thought we worked the hardest and were the major force in the Van Lines. The committee asked personal from each department to come in and tell us what they did and how a folder travels through their hands and what they did with it. I left each day with more admiration for my co workers.
 I had no idea.

Then the more I got to know my co workers and drivers and agents I had an opportunity to know their stories and their personal lives and realized that they all had something going on either with them on in the immediate family. I would never have known because they all came to work and did their job and for the most part left their problems at the door.

I was with agent owners after hours and found out that they are on 24/7 , their phone did not stop ringing. They were responsible not only for themselves but for every worker, driver. packer and employee in the agency. I had no idea, I naively thought that being an owner gave you more freedom..wrong.
 My lessons continued.

I was good friends with many drivers, one in particular was like a brother, when he was in the New England area my house was his home too. He had a young family like me that he had to leave for weeks and months at a time in order to support them. He told me of the times that he waited to last minute to leave home because he missed his family so and he told me of the times when his small daughter would press her face against the picture window and watch him drive out of his driveway and cry.
It gave me a whole new appreciation of what drivers sacrificed.

My driver friend would tell me that he looked at it as when he was home it was quality time and devoted it to his family. That is so true, it is not how much time we have but what we do with it.

I was home every night but as a dispatcher I never stopped thinking of the drivers in my area or the jobs I had to cover. I took my job serious and wanted to do good and learn.  Between May and Oct. I easily worked 80-90 hours each week and all though I was home at night it took me hours to relax my mind and get away from my responsibility at work so in many cases my times with my little ones were limited too. I too had my sacrifices, I left my problems at the door when I went to work and others had no idea what was going in my life. I worked through many family medical issues, deaths, operations and financial strife.
 It did not make me better than anyone else , it just made me more like everybody else.

We all sacrifice.

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Food for Thought

Why I stepped off the social media news treadmill — and you should too


A couple of years ago, I did an experiment: I kicked sugar for three months. I’d have whatever naturally occurred in foods, but I wouldn’t eat anything with added sugar. The goal wasn’t to eat like this forever. I just wanted to know what it felt like to get all that sugar out of my diet. How would I react? What would be different? Would I like it?
The short answer: I felt great. I had way more energy, more balanced days, better mental clarity.
The food detox inadvertently got me to try cutting back on something else I was unknowingly overdosing on: industry news.
Up until about a year ago, I read industry news religiously. I’d load up Hacker News a few times a day, clicking away on the top-voted stories. I’d head over to Reddit and do the same thing on its tech-news subreddit. If I saw something on Twitter linking up a tech-news story, I’d be all over it. Clickity, click click click. I was a tech-news binger.
Then, last summer, I stopped. Cold turkey — just like when I stopped sugar. I had just reached the point at which I could feel an unhealthy level of toxicity piling up inside of me. I felt myself getting too involved, too absorbed and a bit too anxious about what I was missing, and about what I knew or didn’t know but thought I should know. I was checking Twitter too often and reloading sites too often. If someone told me about something I hadn’t heard of, I felt like I should have already known about it. Industry news was becoming an addiction.
The first couple of weeks after I cut the cord were challenging. My mind was craving the latest on tech as if it were a substance. While I could steer clear of the tech-news sites, it was difficult not to get hit by friendly fire. I was still on Twitter reading nontech banter, but then a tech story would suddenly appear in my stream and that uneasy feeling would strike.
Finally, after a few weeks, I began not to miss the news. Whenever I’d see a headline on Twitter, or see people I follow chatting about some new company or technology, I felt a little disgust. It was similar to how I had felt when I saw people gorging on decadent desserts after I’d kicked sugar: It made me sick. So I came up with a new ritual. Every time friends tweeted about tech, I’d use Tweetbot to mute them for 30 days. Eventually my stream was cleansed of all the content I was trying to avoid.
The incredible thing is that a few months into the industry-news detox, I felt better not only mentally but physically, too. My mind wasn’t on edge, waiting for the next big thing to hit. I was calmer, I found myself with more time, and I was far more focused on stuff I could control, like my product, my company, my person, rather than stuff I couldn’t, like the next hot new startup.
It’s now a year later and I still don’t read industry news. Sometimes I’ll accidentally run into it. Sometimes someone will mention something to me wondering whether I’ve heard of it. I’ll often say no and ask for details. And then he or she will tell me about it in a way that’s actually useful, not sensationalized, as most coverage of new things is. I don’t feel disconnected. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. It’s no longer just empty calories: I eventually hear about what’s really important.

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Hmmmm ...Who Do I trust ??

Who can I trust ?

First off trust your gut.. you know the difference between right and wrong .. follow that.
We falter when we take the easy path or the path of revenge.
Do the right thing - even when it is hard..especially when it is hard.

Trust yourself and your instincts , it will always pay off in the end.
And most important- forgive. The power of forgiveness is HUGE.
It lightens your own load and can help build bridges that may last a life time.

Understand that we are all human and we can all make mistakes , sometimes words hurt more than anything else so watch what you say and when you say it. Once it is out it is awfully hard to take it back.
But we cannot go it alone.. you need alliances and friends and others that you can trust.
But it starts and ends with YOU.

Trust your gut !

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Tare you down

Why do people feel the need to tare others down in order to build themselves up ?

I see it in business and in politics.

You should be able to rise on your own merit and ideas.
I feel uneasy when people are dogging other people to me, it shows me a lack of respect for one and for two if they are doing that to me about others they are probably going to be doing to others about me.

Trying to smear others shows weakness - if you have something to say about someone you should be able to say with them in the same room- if you can't then don't say it.

I get it- I know that fear sells- it has worked all through history. Yell louder and get them scared and they will fall in line and follow you. It works but it never holds- sooner or later it is a house of cards.

Build yourself up, work on your abilities and your worth- accent the positive.
You will have sustainability and in the end you will feel better about yourself and your accomplishments.

Rise on others shoulders by them picking you up not by stepping on them.


Saturday, November 28, 2015

R -U- HIGH MAINTENENCE ?

Here are more signs that you may be high maintenance  ?

Do you .....?..

5. Avoid Accountability

You may take responsibility to do the work, but taking ownership of the results is only accepted when it is successful.
Tip: When you are clearly wrong or unsuccessful, accept that it’s your fault, provide a solution, and fix it or apologize.

6. Limit Growth

You refuse to grow and learn to raise your level of contribution. Organizations look for employees / drivers that continually add value and have potential.
 Tip: Show that you are future-focused, and you are investing to build your personal value.

7. Minimize Contribution

You believe providing support to other’s success is a burden. You are self-centered and often are looking for the easy way out.
 Tip: Realize that you gain power and support when you contribute to the successes of others, if not immediately, then in the long run.

8. Avoid Being a Team Player

You yearn for individual praise and appreciation over the team recognition. Somehow, you feel threatened if you are not singled out for the work that you have done.
 Tip: Follow President Harry Truman’s practice and belief, “It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.”

9. Create Problems

You don’t leave your personal life and issues outside your work. It could be the reason why your work performance is suffering and you lack focus. You find yourself playing more of the blame game than the solution game.
 Tip: Start with the assumption that you are the problem and you need to fix the issues outside of work, so that you can perform inside of work.




Friday, November 27, 2015

Are You High Maintence ?

Are you high maintenance ?

Here are some signs that say you might be- 

Do you?..

 

1. Complain

You spend more time grumbling than contributing. Everything is wrong according to you, and you do little to find solutions. If it does not favor you, then you complain endlessly about it. You either are the problem or are extra fuel for the fire to keep the problem burning.
Tip: Keep negativity to a minimum. If you have to vent, do so outside of social media and the office personal.

2. Shirk Ownership  

The problems always seem to be others’ problems and not yours. You don’t believe that you can do anything wrong, and even when a problem arises in the office, you don’t want to take part in resolving it. You leave it to others to handle it and work it out.
 Tip: Look for one problem to solve as your opportunity to shine by owning a solution.

3. You are Avoided  

People make it a point to avoid you or even exclude you from events or discussions. Of course, nobody wants to be around someone who is clueless, selfish and/or difficult. Hence, you will find yourself out of the loop.
Tip: Look for these signs to help you address your self-evaluation of the trouble you might be in or heading toward.

4. Job Hunt

You spend more time looking for another job than doing your own job. This is not surprising as you consider that nothing is good enough where you currently are. You feel that another job could be what you need.
Tip: Look closer at the opportunities you have !

The rest tomorrow-

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Giving Thanks

What do you have to be Thankful for ?

Do you have someone that stands by you and makes you a better person?
Be sure to thank them.

Do you have good health and does your spouse or loved one have good health.
Be very thankful..the rest is just noise.

Do you have a job where you are appreciated ?
Say thanks.

Do you have opportunities to grow and get better?
Be thankful we live in a country that provides that opportunity.

Do you have friends that you enjoy being with and make you laugh.
Remember to give back and be there for them and always say thanks.

There are a host of things that you can be thankful for.
Take today to just accent the positive and to say thank you.

Happy Thanksgiving !!...

And THANK YOU !

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Branded

Why do we want to Brand ourselves?

Rather it's a sports team or political affiliation or jewelry or tattoos- why do we feel the need to brand ourselves?
Is it to feel like we belong?
Is there comfort in numbers?

I am to blame too, I felt the need to wear MY teams colors and I was going to a game I had to have the jersey, hat etc. and I would get angry and yell at the OTHER guys.

People feel the need to literally wear their heart on their sleeve or neck or arms or all of them.
Tattoos are more popular then ever- people branded themselves for live
For what?
To show their toughness? To yell what they believe to others?

Many years ago people were tattooed in concentration camps because they were prisoners.
Are we really prisoners? Are we keeping our real emotion inside as prisoners or our fear from wanting to belong.

Why do feel the need to shout our beliefs either by voice or our clothing and/or tattoos- and if others do not conform we get angry and rebel.
Why do OUR beliefs trump the other guys?

Why do need to be branded? Are you not more free if you do not brand yourself?



Sunday, November 22, 2015

Children

That is the one word that I can think of to sum up the political atmosphere- CHILDREN-

When in the wake of the terrorist acts that we are in the middle of I hear our President chastising Republicans rather then addressing the issue and the moment I think CHILDREN.
Then when I hear the Republicans retaliate with let him come " tell him to come tell that to my face " I think CHIDREN.
I watch the debates and observe one talk about the other's face or stature or looks and scratch my head. These are suppose to be the best and the brightest? They want to LEAD?

It is all school yard stuff- we need adults.

Focus people...what are our goals? Who is the enemy ?

I am beginning to think that America can no longer do BIG things. That we are more interested in tabloid politics than actually fixing the problems.
Reality TV can be entertaining but not on our real life and with our so called leaders.

Unfortunately I see this spilling over to business and how we treat each other. I like him, I don't like him or her, I hate this person , decisions are made more out of spite or revenge than for the betterment of the job or the business. - Children-

I do not know if we have gone to far, I guess only time will tell. I only know that in order to learn or grow or do accomplish great things people need to put aside their differences and do what is best for what is staring them in the face at that particular time. Difference of opinions are fine and needed but you must be able to hear the other side to come to a understanding  and most important you must respect one another.

Grow up.

Saturday, November 21, 2015

Trust

Trust has three pillars-

There have been some fine academic arguments as to what inspires trust in others. Thankfully, Burke and his research team summarized a thirty year debate concluding that all models of trust could be boiled down to three pillars:
  1. Ability
  2. Integrity
  3. Benevolence

The pillar of ability refers to our professional competence to fulfill the core task of leadership; delivering results. You can be as nice as you want and honest and caring, but if you keep letting me down in terms of delivery, your trustworthiness will be shot.

The second pillar of integrity refers to the extent to which we ‘walk the talk’. We need to be reliable in our behaviors and consistently live up to the values and standards we have set for ourselves and the organization.

The third pillar of benevolence refers to our concern for the well-being of others. We show our good wishes to others through care, generosity and kindness.

As another of the CEOs I interviewed put it, “The most powerful destroyer of trust is when you feel the other person is acting in their own best interest and not in yours”.

Friday, November 20, 2015

Take Notice

Being a good noticer builds morale.

 Being valued, understood, and appreciated is a basic human need, but unfortunately, too many leaders forget their people are actually human.

They view people as utilitarian resources performing a specific job function and treat them as interchangeable parts.

 But taking time to notice people lifts their spirits. A well-timed praising, note of thanks, or even just a personal conversation can turn around a person’s day.

Noticing people also builds trust.

It shows your people that you care about them as individuals and not just as workers showing up to do a job. Everyone has a story and good leaders take the time to learn the stories of their team members. I’m not talking about hugging everyone and singing Kumbaya, but simply building relationships.

 Asking about their kids, getting their input on new ideas, or eating lunch in the break room with your team members every once in a while.

With the trust of your team you can reach new heights, but without it you’re dead in the water.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

1962

This Was the Year…1962
U.S. President & Vice President
John F. Kennedy

The Vice President

Lyndon Johnson
Time Magazine Person Of The Year


Pope John XXIII

Cost of Living Cost of Food
New House $12,550 Granulated Sugar $ .89 for 10 lbs.

Average Income $ 4,291 Milk $ 1.04per gallon

New Car $ 2,924 Ground Coffee $ .85 per pound

Gallon of Gas $ .27 Bacon $ .69 per pound

Movie Ticket $ 1.00 Eggs $ .32 per dozen

National and World News
 Marilyn Monroe died from an overdose of sleeping pills
The first Wal-Mart® opened in Bentonville, AR.


 John Glenn, Jr. became the first American to orbit the Earth.

 The U.S. Navy Seals were established.
Popular TV Shows Music

Candid Camera Big Girls Don’t Cry

Bonanza Duke of Earl

The Danny Thomas Show Johnny Angel

Sports Champions
 New York Yankees (baseball)

 Green Bay Packers & Kansas City Chiefs (football)

 Roger Ward (Indianapolis 500)

 Toronto Maple Leafs (hockey)

 Boston Celtics (NBA)

 Decidedly (Kentucky Derby)

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Wait...

Something bothering you ? Something getting you angry? Did somebody push your buttons?

WAIT...DO NOT SEND OFF THAT EMAIL.

Email can be a wonderful tool but if you use it to vent or let your anger out it can be quite the opposite.
Sometimes just for therapy I would type a response and then minimize it and come back to it in a few hours and if I was being too reactionary I would end up re reading it and either change the text or just delete it all together.

It is too easy to send a scorching email and most times all it will do is fan the flames and in some cases burn bridges that may be very difficult to repair.
And what did you actually accomplish?

I find that sometimes, actually most times, the least said the better.


Monday, November 16, 2015

6 more ways to rise after being thrown under the bus:

7-Talk things over with someone outside your organization. The goal is working on yourself, not others.
 
8-Reflect. What are you learning about yourself? People who hurt us, help us, when we learn.
 
9-Grow. How might this situation make you a stronger leader? Humility and grit are born in adversity.
 
10-Stand up for your ideas. Give information without sounding defensive. Let performance speak for itself.
 
11-Find ways to highlight your great work. Publicly thank teammates who help move your projects forward, for example.
 
12-Proactively build strong relationships. Being thrown under the bus requires an audience. Make sure you have great relationships with the audience.
 
Being called to live up to expectations isn’t being thrown under the bus.

How might leaders, drivers , laborers, crew chiefs and employees deal with being thrown under the bus?

Sunday, November 15, 2015

12 ways to rise after being thrown under the bus:

12 ways to rise after being thrown under the bus:

1-Keep delivering great results. Don’t throw yourself under the bus by pulling back.
2-Prepare for the next time. Examine the patterns of being thrown under the bus. What do you want to do when it happens again? Who do you want to be?
3-Don’t complain to the boss about others, unless there are ethical issues.
4-Determine what you want. Clinging to past offenses obscures positive outcomes. Aim for positive outcomes for yourself, others, and your organization.
5-Maintain civility. Bad behavior from others is no excuse for bad manners from you.
6-Don’t take it personally. (Well, do your best.) Taking it personally clouds your judgment, deflates your spirit, and may open the door to revenge.
6 more tomorrow-

Friday, November 13, 2015

Give Control

Give Control-

 Humans love having control over what they are doing. If they feel too micromanaged, or that they don’t have enough autonomy then it can have a negative effect on efficiency and effectiveness. It can also lead to disengagement.

This means that you have the opportunity to creatively find ways to give control to people at work or on the job.

Giving control to others is easier to do when you are more deeply connected to them. You can choose to delegate, mentor, coach, shadow or even give people projects to run with.

 We know that changes occur when someone is actually doing a task rather than just thinking about it.
 Give control, hand over the reins when possible- you can always check in but let them do what they can do.

Give them the power.

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Connect

Connect

 We are wired for interpersonal attachments. It is a fundamental human motivation and is incredibly powerful. We work best as humans (as well as employees) when we have frequent interactions with people with whom we have an ongoing bond.

Belonging somewhere has multiple strong effects on emotional patterns and cognitive processes. A lack of attachment causes pain, increases our perception of stress, impairs cognitive functioning and can interfere with the immune response.

As a leader, boss or friend you have a opportunity to be a role model in building real and valuable relationships.

 Consider being open, honest and transparent in your interactions with people.
 Rather than sharing just the bear minimum, share deeply.

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Veteran's Day

Veteran's Day is a Day for Gratitude

On November 11th, people from all over the United States will stop to recognize the men and women who currently serve or have served in our armed forces.
People that served with pride , loyalty and courage.
If you know a Vet please be sure to take the time to just say " Thank you ".
It will go a long way.

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Every person is different

Is there one best way to coach or teach or lead? Yes.

 It’s the way that works best for the person you are coaching.
A scripted approach will never work as well as being fully present and listening deeply.

  Every person is different. Pay attention and respond accordingly. That’s the model that works.

This is THE most important rule or tip or piece of advice as to how to be a boss or train or be a leader and how to be a good co worker and team player.
Every person has a skill or something they may be good at - it is up to you to find it.
Everyone has a button that if pushed they will resist or shut down- pay attention and try to avoid it.
Do not try to hammer a square into a round hole !

Monday, November 9, 2015

From a fellow driver

Take The Blame

When something goes wrong, openly acknowledge it as your fault, even if you feel there were external circumstances that contributed.

If you shift responsibility to someone or something else, you will remain stuck in a rut because “it’s ____’s fault!”

It doesn’t matter whose fault it is. When you shift responsibility, you give up control of the situation.

Don’t be afraid to take risks or make important decisions. Don’t be afraid to mess up, even though it can be “scary” to take responsibility for your actions. It’s even scarier what you may have missed by acting out of fear.

So, when there is a problem, don’t ask yourself who is to blame. Instead, ask yourself: “What could I have done differently?”

This shifts the focus onto your control of the situation instead of feeling like a victim.


Saturday, November 7, 2015

What would I do if I weren’t afraid?

What would I do if I weren’t afraid?

Here is why I love it so much: it is the ultimate coaching question. Because it cuts right to the fact that most of us are afraid most of the time. Afraid we don’t have enough information. Afraid we don’t have enough education. Afraid we aren’t smart enough, creative enough, or simply enough.
Afraid we haven’t gotten enough advice, or the right advice, or advice from the best person.

Afraid we will make the wrong decision. Afraid we will make the right decision but our boss won’t like it, or our people won’t accept it. Afraid that our mother, sister, father, or spouse will laugh at us.

. There is so much to be afraid of—big things and little things; rational things and absurd things. But, as leaders, we can’t let this stop us because mostly, we make decisions.

So the next time you aren’t sure, and you are thinking of asking someone what you should do, stop and ask yourself  " What would you do if you were not afraid?" See what your answer is.

Friday, November 6, 2015

Insecurity

Insecurities is a huge reason that people react the way they do.

Most times we react because of what may have happened to us in the past. In your growing up years you may have been laughed at or overlooked, beat up or ignored. It all becomes our make up, our DNA if you would.
As we grow older we think we outgrow things or brush them away but they seem to always bubble up. People get defensive or angry where at times you would think it should be such a big deal, but they are actually reacting to something else, something in their past.

People become insecure because of fear also- fear that they may lose their job or fear that someone may get work that they think they deserve..all things really out their control for the most part.
What happens is they make their fears come true when they act on their insecurities rather then just doing their job and blocking the rest out.

Insecurity grows out of not preparing properly too, not doing your homework and accepting responsibility. When something goes wrong they are quick to point the finger and yell. It is a huge smoke screen that says - hey, don't look at me. They know deep down that they could have help prevent the situation so they try to deflect .

What happens too is through insecurities if and when people know that they may be at fault they then try to turn others to their point of view, assuming their is comfort in a crowd. The funny thing is the people that they are trying to win over with their argument probably do not even care. So they fan the flames and agree and egg them on.

Being insecure is deep rooted and can hurt and hold you back.

There is no easy answer- just try to think back on situations as they occur and ask yourself- just how big a deal is it- are you making it bigger then it should be to deflect or cover up the past?
You may be reacting because of either or both and are not even be aware.

When you have time reflect back..live and learn. That is what life is all about.