Trust is a journey

Trust is a journey –

 Establishing trust in a relationship is not a destination; it’s a journey. It’s A Wild Ride as you experience the highs and lows of building relationships and nurturing the development of trust. Trust isn’t something you can mandate. In fact, it’s just the opposite. Trust has to be given freely for it to achieve its fullest power. Who do you trust more?

 The person who demands your trust and allegiance, or the one who earns it by his/her behavior over time? Since trust needs to be given freely, you can’t put a timer on its development. Trust grows according to its own schedule, not yours. Patience is a prerequisite on the journey to high trust.

It’s human nature to prefer comfort and safety, however, trust is anything but comfortable and safe. Trust pushes us out of our comfort zones into the world of risk and uncertainty. Yet in one of the strange paradoxes of trust, confronting these uncomfortable truths allows us to achieve the very things we desire: safety, security, comfort, reliability, and predictability. Confront these uncomfortable truths about trust. You won’t regret it.

Trust requires a personal investment

Trust requires a personal investment –

 Trust doesn’t come free; it costs you dearly. Whether it’s your acceptance of risk, loss of control, emotional attachment, time, energy, or money, trust requires a personal investment. Trust works best in a reciprocal environment. I trust you with something and in exchange you reciprocate by trusting me. It’s the very foundation of cooperative society and our global economy. Trust without reciprocation is exploitation. Whether or not you receive anything in return, trust requires a down payment in some form or fashion.

From the perspective of earning trust from someone else, trust requires your investment in demonstrating your competence, integrity, care for the relationship, and dependability – the four key elements of trust.

Trust means letting go of control

2. Trust means letting go of control –

 Most people assume that distrust is the opposite of trust. Not true. Control is the opposite of trust. When you don’t trust someone, you try to retain control of the person or situation. In a leadership capacity, the desire to control often leads to micromanagement, an employee’s worst nightmare and one of the greatest eroders of trust in relationships. Control, of course, is closely related to your level of risk tolerance. The lower your tolerance for risk, the higher degree of control you try to exert.

The truth is we really don’t have as much control as we think we do. I’m defining control as that which you have direct and complete power over. In many situations you may be able to exert some level of influence or control, but when you consider that definition, you really only have control over yourself—your actions, attitudes, values, emotions, opinions, and the degree of trust you extend to others.

Four Uncomfortable Truths about Trust

Four Uncomfortable Truths about Trust

1. Trust exposes you to risk – Without risk there is no need for trust. When you trust someone, you are making yourself vulnerable and opening yourself to being let down. That’s scary! People are unpredictable and fallible; mistakes happen. We all know and accept that fact as a truism of the human condition. But are you willing to let the mistakes happen with or to you? Ah, now that’s where the rubber hits the road, doesn’t it? It’s one thing to be accepting of other people’s fallibility when it doesn’t directly affect you. But when it messes up your world? Trust suddenly becomes very uncomfortable and painful.

If you are risk-averse and slow to trust others, take baby steps to increase your comfort level. Start by trusting others with tasks or responsibilities that have no or minimal negative consequences should the person not follow through. As the person proves trustworthy in small matters, extend greater amounts of trust in larger, more important matters.

More over the next few days on TRUST

Success is not forever and Failure isn't fatal

“Success is not forever and failure isn’t fatal” is one of my favorite quotes from my friend Don Shula, former head coach of the Miami Dolphins football team and my coauthor on the book Everyone’s a Coach. This philosophy drove a great deal of Coach Shula’s behavior during his long career as the winningest head coach in NFL history.

Don had a twenty-four-hour rule. He allowed himself, his coaches, and his players a maximum of twenty-four hours after a game to wallow in that game’s outcome—to fully experience either the thrill of victory or the agony of defeat. But once the twenty-four-hour deadline passed, they had to put it all behind them and focus their energies on preparing for the next game.

People will turn on you

The sad fact of life is people will turn on you.

And I get it, for the most part it is easier to blame and yell and point the finger than to accept personal responsibility so who you think is a ally today can be your enemy tomorrow.
Here's the thing that is difficult - to accept that and not let it harden you.
It hurts when people that you have helped turn on you so as a result you can take the approach that to prevent being hurt again you simply stop helping others and just simply watch out for yourself.
I can get that too.

Problem is there are people that will appreciate you and that you can help and at the end of this journey those are the tokens that add up the most- The people that we have helped along the way.

So come to grips with the fact that you will get stabbed in the back, talked about and blamed- especially if you are in a position that touch a lot lives.
 It happens and sometimes they even come around and realize it someday but they are hurt too and carry their own crosses so do not become hardened or change.

Keep on keepin on and move on.

Control

Be in CONTROL

Do you want your work day to go smoother?
Do you want less mistakes that you have to clean up ?
Be MORE in control !

Take Charge- learn from the day

Organization and preparation is the key to whatever your role may be and is the key to your success.

Should someone have done something to prevent your issues-? Yea, maybe but what could have YOU have done to help prevent it?
What questions should you have asked? What email should you have sent? And not the day before but the week before or at least 2-3 days ahead?

Be in Control of YOUR role and your participation in the process.
In order to be in control and in charge that means you have to look out for what others around you are responsible for as well.

Anticipate possible scenarios or problems ahead of time and ask away- email- email- email !

Highway menality

As I drove along the highway I thought- I wish life and the way people thinks of others was the same mentality I have when I drive the highway.

What do I mean by that?

When I am on the highway doing 80 MPH with other cars around me my life is as much in their hands as it is mine. Therefore I do not care nor do I know who is driving, I just want them to pay attention and not kill me.
I do not care if the person driving those cars around me are black or white or a man or a woman or what religion that may be or sexual preference- none of that matters to me- all I want to do is get home safely so I can go on with my life.

Why can't we look at life that way?

What difference should it make about " the other guy" ? At the end of the day don't we all want the same thing ? To have the freedom to do what we want , where we want , with whom we want- That is it -

Do not complicate things in life- Life will throw enough curve balls at you - why go looking for trouble and again what difference should it make with you getting home to continue your life?

We trust each other enough to drive on our highways next to each other not knowing anything about each other and that can directly impact our life- why do we care when we get out of our cars or trucks?

Competition

" The Long Way Around "

"The Long Way Around"
Lyrics by Jackson Browne

I don't know what to say about these days
I'm seeing people changing in the strangest ways
Even in the richer neighborhoods
People don't know when they've got it good
They've got the envy, and they've got it bad

When I was a kid everything I did was trying to be free
Running up and down Tinsel Town with the fire inside of me
My planets all in retrograde, the best of all my plans got laid
I made my breaks, and some mistakes
Just not the ones people think I made

Now I'm a long way gone
Down this wild road I'm on
It's going to take me where I'm bound
But it's the long way around

It's a little hard keeping track of what's gone wrong
The covenant unravels, and the news just rolls along
I could feel my memory letting go some two or three disasters ago
It's hard to say which did more ill
Citizens United or the Gulf oil spill

And I'm a long way gone
Down this wild road I'm on
It's going to take me take me where I'm bound
But it's the long way around

It's never been that hard to buy a gun
Now they'll sell a Glock 19 to just about anyone
The seeds of tragedy are there
In what we feel we have the right to bear
To watch our children come to harm
There in the safety of our arms
With all we disagree about
The passions burn, the heart goes out

And we're a long way gone
Down this wild road we're on
It's going to take us where we're bound
It's just the long way around

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2GMr1GtzNo

 

 

 

One more from lessons from the Jackie Gleason

Don’t choose to be the villain.

An interesting footnote: The idea of the 1960s cartoon show, The Flintstones, was almost

completely lifted from The Honeymooners… right down to some of the plot lines. Jackie

was mad enough to sue the production company, but was advised that he would be a

villain if he sued a popular children’s cartoon show.

Maybe that is a fifth lesson every leader can learn from today:

“You can’t sue Fred Flintstone!”

Brad Darrach wrote in People magazine on Jackie Gleason at his death, “Orson Welles

dubbed him ‘The Great One,’ and he wore the epithet as proudly as an emperor wears

ermine, charming and tickling and bullying us until we took him at his own measure.”

(July 13, 1987)

I’ve always admired his work. Gleason could be funny one moment, then show pathos

and sadness the next, and still stay true to himself.

Leaders who want to reinvent can gain inspiration and learn from someone who didn’t

mind showing both a fun side and deep side within the same hour. He created characters

to show every side of his humanity and stay alive in the short history of television.

Gleason said, “I knew that nobody could be on television week after week as themselves

and exist for any length of time, because no one has that rich a personality.... So I knew

that I had to create some characters.”

Brag on your audience

Brag on your audience.

Jackie Gleason always said in the closing monologue: "The Miami Beach audience is the

greatest audience in the world!" The crowd would erupt with cheers and applause. The

locals loved this and responded favorably to his show. Once again it drew attention to

Miami Beach, but more importantly, it also put the attention on his audience instead of

himself. Gleason gave the audience credit each week for the show’s success and returned

thanks to them on a regular basis. No wonder they cheered!

It always helps to brag more on your customers than yourself. Just ask big companies

like Southwest Airlines, or small businesses like Columbus Bowl (a family bowling

center in Ohio). They brag on their customers instead of themselves and reap the

benefits. Rock and country musicians often shout out the local city names in concerts to

get the audience energized. Gleason did it before it became a trend and set the standard.

How can you turn the attention to your customers and have it reflect back on your brand

Admit your mistakes

Admit your mistakes.

In the 1960s, Gleason hosted a television program that he designed around a celebrity

game show format. The opening night was so terrible that the network was planning to

cancel the entire series. The next week Jackie came out in front of the live audience and

apologized for the previous week’s program. He immediately turned it into a variety

show format.

In early 1961, the United States launched a failed attempt to overthrow the Castro regime

in Cuba. It was known as “The Bay of Pigs” because that was the location of the ground

assault in Cuba. The invasion was a disastrous defeat within hours. Soon afterwards,

President John F. Kennedy told a stunned country about the CIA operation.

Although the failed attack had been planned prior to his inauguration, Kennedy approved

it. He admitted his failure and mistake on national television. It earned him respect that

he would need months later during the Cuban Missile Crisis where the US and Soviet

Union came close to nuclear war. If more leaders (politicians, are you listening?) would

admit mistakes and ask forgiveness, people would trust them more.

 

How Sweet it is

Lessons from
The Great One

What Can You Learn from Jackie Gleason?

 

"How sweet it is!" -Jackie Gleason

 

If you saw Smokey and the Bandit, you are familiar with the work of Jackie Gleason playing the iconic Sheriff Buford T. Justice.  He was an entertainer with a string of creativity years before the hit movie came out in 1977.

 

"The Great One" will forever be known for his successful business decisions. He starred in the hit series. The Honeymooners, in the early days of television and revived the show several decades later through smart foresight.

 

 What you can learn from his creativity will inspire you to go where nobody else has gone in your field and industry.  Here are 4.5 lessons he taught us about business:

 

1. Remember the past and give the people what they like most.

 

Jackie was one of the earliest television stars.  He was in a show for the CBS network (the same network who hosts The Big Bang Theory).  Knowing television was a successful medium, he signed a 20 year agreement with the network. He got paid whether or not he was on a show. Gleason was such a hot talent that the network executives readily signed the agreement.

 

When he starred in “The Honeymooners” 1950s situation comedy, he knew he was on to something special.  He had it filmed in a new style of video for the day (Kinescope).  The show wasn’t that big of a hit its only season on television, but he was able to parlay his success into “reruns” – something few had even conceived of at the time. 

 

Jackie also used The Honeymooners for future roles on television and even revived many of the shows plots and characters on his variety shows in the late 1950s and 60s.

In 1985, Gleason revealed that he had saved 39 episodes of the classic show, just when classic television (TV Land) was coming into style. “The Lost Episodes,” were opened up to a new generation of viewers and he became a star once again. 

Gleason knew he was on to a product that would transcend the moment – a blue-collar situation comedy… decades before Roseanne, Archie Bunker, Larry the Cable Guy and Jeff Foxworthy.  

 

He had the forethought to keep the Kinescope tapes hidden in a personal vault... for a day they would be revealed to the world.  Reruns and classic television cable networks hadn’t even been dreamed of yet, but he saved the tapes for the right time when they would.

Remember Classic Coca Cola? 

What is your organization doing that is a “classic”

transcending time? We live with a generation who loves “retro” ideas but has no concept

of luggage without wheels, variety shows, family meals together, any non-internet

communication, Western movie genres, sitcoms that are funny and earned rewards. What

worked years ago that customers would like a taste of again?

More tomorrow...

When to make a stand

When do we make a stand if see a miss justice?
I guess it all depends on what the miss justice is and how severe it is.
If you see a mugging you of course should react in the moment and try to help the victim.
If you see a miss justice in your work place you may need to work the system rather than react in the moment.
You can still be a part of the change but you may be better served to slow down and gather all the facts first and approach it when and if it is called for.
Fir example if you are a professional mover and you at a customers house and you notice one of your helpers being rude or lazy on the job you are best served to wait till you have a private moment with that helper away from the customer to discuss your expectations. You will not help the situation if you totally react in the moment and alarm others around you.
There is a time and place to voice your opinion and even more important you need to remember that things may not always be what they appear to be so you need to take a breath and give others the benefit of the doubt.
Make a stand - have a voice - make a difference- but remember that just because someone has a different opinion it  does not make them wrong- your job is to listen and build a bridge.

What to do ?

What can you do ?
What to do when there is so much negative ? When others want to pull you down?
Stay positive-
How do you stay positive?
Just worry about yourself and your job in front of you.
Take your wins one day at a  time and one customer at a time.
Who is your customer ?
Everyone you associate with at work is your customer- treat everyone with the respect that you deserve and want yourself and it will come back to you ten fold.
It is too easy to fall into the trap of listening to other people's problems- why muddy your waters ?
If you continue to listen to negativity you will be negative.

So what to do?
Put blinders on and just worry about your day in front of you- smile more and say thank you more often.
Count your blessings not your burdens and remember everyone is going through something so be kind.

Propaganda

How does hate grow?
Propaganda-
Why does hate spread?
People have a need to belong-
Now the challenge is with the computer and social propaganda is rapid and plentiful.
People like to hear themselves talk and love the power.
They have a few stand up and pump their fist in the air and shout- yea- you're right- and that's it they are hooked. The man shouting has a audience and feels the power  and the ones listening has a group to belong to..and so it goes.
Hate always sells -
I have always fought the groups and the clicks even when I was a kid, people would talk about someone and say why do you talk to him or her and they would try to poison my thoughts with their own opinion. I always felt like I wanted to make up my own mind thank you. And I think I have always felt that way.
I do not like haters and if anything it makes me more suspect.
Be your own person- make up your own mind and do not allow others to pollute it.

Happy Independence Day